Sunday, February 27, 2011

Holy Crap...

This is getting out of hand. Crazy day.

So about 3-4 weeks ago, we got this letter in the mail scanned in a town in our state, but not the town my in-laws live in (in fact, about an hour and a half away). The letter was also addressed to us in handwriting we didn't recognize. Also, it was addressed to both of us and not just my husband (about 99% of the time, the letters from his family are only addressed to my husband). No return address either.

Okay, well, turns out it was from my stupid in-laws. They must have given it to someone to address to us and send from a different town. The writing on the inside was my mother-in-law's handwriting. Nothing mean was written in it (it is annoying that they sign people's names who aren't in the family, but they try to force it on other people as though they are in their family - lies, cover-ups, etc.); however, the simple fact that they had given it to someone to address and send from a different town is just so shady and sneaky and wrong!

Flash-forward to today. We wake up super early every day of the week, so on Sat. and Sun., we like to sleep in until about 10 (really helps having church at 1). At 9:00 in the morning, we're woken up to knocks on our door. I asked my husband, "Is someone knocking on our door?" My husband was like, "I think so." I was just like, "Who in the world is knocking on our door at 9 in the morning on a Sunday?"

We put on robes and went to check. I looked through the peep hole first, and I did not recognize who was at our door. I just figured it was the lady who lives below us because they seem to always hear us (even when we're not doing anything but lying in bed). So, I turned around to walk away from the door since I never answer it if we don't know who it is - my husband always does that. My husband looked through and didn't recognize them either and thought it was the lady below us as well.

I picked up our dogs to run them back in our bedroom, so they wouldn't try to go out of the door. I then started to go back to the front door. Before I even made it to the door I heard, "Well, your mom and dad wanted me to come check on you and make sure you're okay." (This entire time she's talking, remember she is a bia, and she had a very bia-like voice - she was very rude to my husband. My husband, in turn, definitely sounded agitated and annoyed from where I was standing. Just to give you a feel for how this conversation went.)

I thought, "Oh crap, you've got to be freaking kidding me!!"

So, I got close enough to hear what was going on, but stood behind the door so I couldn't be seen. After a few seconds, I realized it was my mother-in-law's best friend, who just happens to be just as crazy as they are. Seriously...my husband and I have never liked her. She's always involved in drama, likes to be caught up in the middle of it, lives through her daughter, etc.

So, in response to her statement about checking if he's okay, my husband said, "Yeah, I'm doing really well."

She said, "Are you sure?"

And he said, "Yeah, I'm doing great, actually."

Then she said, "Well, they'd really like to talk to you (and my husband laughed when she said that). Do you want to talk to them?"

My husband said, "Nope."

She said something like, "Really? Are you sure? They really do want to talk to you."

My husband said, "Yeah I'm sure. I don't want anything to do with them."

She then said, "Well, that's sad, because you're not the person I knew."

My husband said, "Yeah, well my parents aren't doing what they should be."

She then cut him off in the last half of his previous statement and said, "Oh, (my husband's name) yes they are." (She was even more bia-like here.

My husband then cut her off there and said, "Yeah, well, no they aren't, and I have to go." And then he shut the door in her face.

FYI - her husband was also there, and my husband said he seemed really uncomfortable. Poor guy.

So, then we peeked out of our balcony door, and saw them walking to and getting in their car. They were pointing up to our balcony as though making sure that one was really our balcony. They got in their car, then proceeded to pull up and around my husband's car (he's gotten a new car since we've stopped talking to them) on all sides that they could and took pictures of his car! They even photographed his license plate! What the craaaaaaaaaaap? They just roll with people as crazy as they are! Ughhhhhhhhh!

We then switched cars out with my sister, so we could go to church in her car, and she could go in our car. She said someone followed her all the way across town to her church building. Wow! I'm not really sure what's going on.

Seriously though...they got their friends to send letters for them and show up at our house? Okay crazies...get a grip! This is getting out of hand, and we cannot live in peace. Is that too much to ask?

Sooooooo annoying and crazy!!!!

Friday, February 25, 2011

One more thing...Crush on his mom?

My husband I were talking a couple of weeks ago because the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie is coming out in May but it doesn't have Orlando Bloom - sad day! Anyway, Orlando Bloom is my celebrity crush and has been for a while. So, my husband has never told me of a celebrity crush. The only person he can come up with is "the girl from The Mummy." But, according to him, it was the actual character in The Mummy and not the actress herself. I even try to list out celebrities...Jessica Simpson, Carrie Underwood, Brittany Snow! None work.

So, I tried to move on. "Have you ever had a crush on anyone?" - you know, he only 'dated' one person before me (in his eyes, he didn't even date her at all), and that was actually his dad dating this girl through him. In other words, his dad made him date this girl that he didn't want to date and consequently, do everything his dad told him to do (gross, I know), so he didn't even have a crush on her...didn't even like her at all.

His response to that question was, "Yeah, I had a crush on you." Nice hubby, but that's not what I was looking for.

I was trying to get a sense for this. Maybe girls just have more crushes than boys do. I mean, as far as celebrities go, I had a "Hot Guys" folder on my computer just for those really nice looking celebrities. And, I can remember my favorites growing up - Jonathan from New Kids on the Block, Tom Cruise (Yep, that's right), Ben Affleck (even made a collage for the background on my computer), JC from *NSYNC (mhmm, I was obsessed with that boy band), and Orlando Bloom (Andddd he still is super good-looking to me).

My next response was, "No, not me, I don't count. Think about in like elementary school when you 'liked' someone but it was a huge secret and you could only tell a couple of friends. Or, even in high school, when you have crushes on the older people. Or, you just start to 'like' someone without dating them or even with dating them."

His response? "No, I never was like that with anyone. I never liked anyone until you."

Sweet, but I was wondering what was going on, so I asked, "Seriously? Not a single person?"

Him - "The Mummy girl."

Oh geez, here we go. Me - "That's it?"

Finally, he says, "You know what? This may seem strange, but I feel like my mom always wanted us to have crushes on her."

Okay...ew...I just sat there.

Then, he said, "I can't really explain it, and I don't really know why I feel that way."

So, I thought about this for a second, and I realized I knew exactly what he meant. So, in an effort to help him feel better, and to understand his childhood, I said, "Well, I do." Then, we proceeded to talk about what I'm about to write.

Here's what I told him about how I understood it.

There have been plenty of instances in which his mom would shoot down his compliments of me, his desires to hang around me, she would force him to do stuff with her, talk to her, listen to her, etc....and all of this was not in a motherly way, but in a "love interest" way.

For instance, one time my husband was complimenting my booty. He said something about how I have a nice booty and he likes it (sorry if that's awkward for you to read). Well, his mom replied with something like this: "That's not a nice butt; she doesn't even have one. If you want to see a butt, you should look at mine." Okay, weird!

Another example is her getting so mad and pouting when my husband wanted to watch The OC with me in another room. I remember her literally arguing with him like she was dating him to come in there and watch TV with her.

Another example is when my husband was sick, she was watching Dancing with the Stars, and she kept trying to push it on my husband. She would always want him to come watch this dance, or this contestant, or something "funny" that happened on the show. My husband would always try to respond in a nice way saying something like, "That's okay, I don't really like that show." She would, again, pout, and then come back about 5 mins. later to tell him all about something that happened in the show. She would seriously act like she was dating him.

Another thing is clothes, or hair, or getting nails done. Anytime my husband would compliment me, or even look at me affectionately or like he's attracted to me, she would say something like, "Well, don't you like what I'm wearing?" Or, "Look at my hair, doesn't it look good?" Or, "Well, I get my nails done so I actually look nice and not dirty" (I don't get manicures or pedicures and my husband was saying how he liked that).

I know these things may seem small, but that's what I noticed about what she would do with me. There are plenty of other times when she would try to make herself seem prettier, or smarter, or better than me to get attention from her own son.

So, when I started mentioning these little things, my husband was like, "Yes! She would always do stuff like that. With people on TV, friends, random people we saw while we were out, family, anyone, she was always trying to make us think she was better than them in some way - and she wanted us to 'like' her for that."

So, there you have it. Weird, I know. Emotional incest anyone? Granted, I know this comes from who she's married to - not getting attention from her own husband, but still....ewwwww!

At least I'm not the only one...

We have recently discovered that my sister-in-law (the one I had hope for...not anymore) wrote about how much I destroyed their family and how horrible I am just to get accepted into college. Well, now she is writing a research paper about narcissistic personality disorder. My in-laws used to accuse me of having borderline personality disorder, but I guess they've moved on to narcissistic personality disorder. The two are both in Cluster B of personality disorders, so they are similar, but still...it's getting out of hand.

Anyway, in her "research paper" (in quotations because you really aren't supposed to write personal things in research papers), my sister-in-law accuses me of physically and emotionally abusing my husband (? - at a loss there), telling my husband lies and making him believe them, that everything is always about me, and I will do anything to get my way (yeah right, if I would do anything to get my way, I wouldn't let them do whatever they want and not do anything back...just saying). She also says they thought my husband and I were perfect for each other, but that all changed when we got married. When we got married, my true personality came out (interesting because they have said this about so many people - friends, acquaintances, clients, etc. - I've heard it a number of times [my husband said they would say it about others all of the time, as well, throughout his entire life]..."well, when this happened, they changed, and we saw what they were really like" - so I'm not even the first one they've done this to - just one of the extreme cases since I'm actually married into their family and their tactics aren't driving my husband and me away from each other - in fact, it drives us closer together). She sums it all up by saying everything about me fits into narcissistic personality disorder.

I was really upset, of course. Often times, they accuse me of stuff over and over, and I can't help but wonder if I actually am what they accuse me of and if I'm the one who is delusional. However, I've been to counselors, therapists, and doctors. I ask my husband, my family, and my friends, and they all reassure that no, I am not that way.

So, I wanted to know if it was common for someone who has narcissistic personality disorder to project who they are onto others, and accuse their victims of being who they are (Because I know my sister-in-law didn't come to this conclusion on her own - she was brainwashed and manipulated by her parents - way to be great parents!).

Apparently it is, and it's sooo nice to know I'm not the only one! Here are some sites I found:

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_are_we_who_dwell_with_a_narcissistic_spouse_rendered_so_speechless_and_confused_when_he_so_loudly_and_convincingly_presents_the_case_that_it_isn%27t_him_being_selfish_and_controlling_but_you_instead

This website:

http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/11/narcissistic-projection.html

says this:
But a narcissist's aim is impeccable. For example, whom does he call a liar? The most honest person around. Who does he say is dangerous? The savior of the group. Every single time. His talent for farce is so great that you could mistake him for astute.

http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/12/narcissistic-projection-machine.html

Check out this statement (but that whole thing is good to read):
Always a living, breathing Projection Machine. Your first clue? He or she is trashing somebody else. - that's a constant occurrence, and always has been with my in-laws - they gossip about everyone!


Last one (really good one - if you don't read any others, read this one....and the first one because it's not very long) - just ignore the love interest part, because obviously that's not what my father-in-law is to me:

http://www.narcissismfree.com/swan-and-scorpion.php

This one says this, among other things:
I remember being accused of being selfish, greedy, uncommitted, angry, bi-polar and a host of other things that left me questioning whether or not this was really true. The most difficult thing was that he really seemed to believe it. He believed he was the pure one and I was the one poisoning his reality with my impurities.


There are a host of things that come up if you look up narcissistic projection. It's just nice to know I'm not the only one - and I'm not what they are accusing me of!