Monday, July 6, 2015

Long time & rambling

It's been over a year, y'all.  But last year was crazy for us.  We welcomed another baby (yea!), but my husband also had cancer (crazy, right?), we had to move, our oldest had an infection that lasted 3 months, and our dog had major surgery twice.  It all happened at once.  My husband finished chemotherapy a month before our second baby was born, got his mediport out a week before the birth, and we didn't find out he was cancer free until after the baby was born.  But he is cancer free!  He always had a good prognosis (Hodgkin's lymphoma), so that helped a lot, and pregnancy is generally pretty easy for me, so that helped too.  Really, everything was fine, but cancer and chemo put an umbrella over it all.  It was a hard, but also amazing year.  How could it not be amazing with a new baby and a cancer free diagnosis (albeit after a cancer diagnosis and fight).  Okay, you get my point.  I did cry every day last year for about a 6 month time span.  I think I was allowed to, right?

My in-laws still suck, and they have tried contacting my husband through his work email and phone number.  He just ignores it.  His brother and his family showed up at our house not too long ago.  We just ignored that too.  Because that's what we have to do.  We can't talk to them or tell them how we feel or it explodes.  We've learned we have to ignore them, no matter how hard it is sometimes.  We're going on 8 years since we decided to have nothing to do with them.  It was never intended to be permanent, but everything they've done since has made it a permanent thing.

I will say this.  After having the year we had last year, you tend not to care as much.  It really puts things into perspective.  Do they bother me still?  Of course.  But it's easier to move forward when they do something.

I mentioned to my husband that sometimes I do still question myself and how I handled it all.  When I was depressed and had anxiety, I feel like I made mistakes; not big ones but mistakes, like anyone would.  And I think, "Did how I react to them and their treatment condemn me?"  My husband's response was so simple but perfect.  After he reassured me that I didn't do anything bad, he said, "Do you believe in repentance and the atonement?"  When I said, "Yes," he said, "Well then there you go."