I've known about Narcissism in individuals for who knows how long, but I've never seen it described as a family unit. I ran across this book:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Narcissistic-Family-Diagnosis-Treatment/dp/0787908703/?keywords=janet+g.+woititz&qid=1350315369&ref=sr_1_45&ie=UTF8&sr=8-45
The Narcissistic Family by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman. I think I might order it. Reading the reviews really caught my eye because those people sound like they came from a family like my husband's family. They'll even say something like, "People thought we had a great family, but I always felt like something was off; those people didn't know what it was like on the inside; I could never pinpoint what felt wrong, but now I know." Sounds like my in-laws! Making the family seem "perfect" and you aren't allowed to feel anything negative or go against what they want. That is my in-laws! I could go on and on about how the reviews are like my husband's family, but I don't have the energy now. Anyway, reading those was good for me to see that people go through similar situations, so the book probably would be beneficial. Maybe it can help others too.
And here is another book:
http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmail-People-Obligation-Manipulate/dp/0060928972/?qid=1328547145&s=books&ref=sr_1_sc_1&ie=UTF8&sr=1-1-spell
Emotional Blackmail by Susan Forward. I'll probably order this one too! I don't think I've heard of emotional blackmail before - at least not in that term. I've heard of the techniques, but I have never had a name or label for it. Oh man, I can't tell you how uncanny that is to my in-laws! I read more about it online, and daaaaang, that is them! My mother-in-law is more of the sufferer type, and my father-in-law is both the sufferer type and the punisher type. Unfortunately, my husband's siblings are crafty at implementing emotional blackmail too, especially the youngest! Seriously, even I have heard things like this over and over said to my husband:
"Do you love our family or not?"
"After everything we've done for you."
"We must be failures as parents."
"If you loved me/us, then you would do this."
"You must not care about us at all."
"How can you be so cold and heartless?"
Those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head, but there are many many more. I always knew those kinds of statements were extremely manipulative; I guess that's how I labeled it. But emotional blackmail makes sense. My husband heard these types of things his entire life. He was always guilted into doing everything they wanted. He eventually learned to just do what they wanted (or act like he did it even if he didn't) and pretend to be who they wanted or thought he was. His mom was especially bad about making him feel like he was responsible for her emotions. Don't do that to your kid! And his dad....ha, there would be some you know what to pay if you didn't do or be what he wanted - or at least pretend to do and be what he wanted. Many of the statements above were from his dad too, so he was a double emotional blackmailer. Yikes! He was also really keen on the silent treatment or, in clinical terms, stonewalling. My husband said if they didn't conform to what their dad wanted or upset him in any way (usually no reason to even be upset - like my husband not pitching a good game - really?), then he would go days, even weeks, without interacting with you. Very manipulative and also emotional blackmail!
In reading about emotional blackmail, I ran across this quote:
"Then, 'what happens if the other person doesn't comply with the manipulation, but just goes on being pleasant and friendly... [is that] your manipulation steadily amplifies... there will be arguments, emotional pressures, even separations.' Thus 'when one person changes the signals by pulling out of the family system,' they may find others 'brand the victim, crazy, unforgiving or a family wrecker.'"
Well helllllooooo, that is definitely what happened to me because I didn't just do everything they wanted, and then my husband broke away and stopped doing everything they wanted, and now they call me all kinds of horrid things! We are like the examples of that quote!
Just found these books intriguing and interesting, and very much applicable.
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