Scary Night...

I've delayed writing this just because of how much it scares me to remember this night. I've also written this in spurts. I would write one part, take a break, come back and write another part, take a break, write some more, etc. I just couldn't do it all at once. Sorry for the delay.

That morning, we woke up, and his mom (who was cleaning the house even though I had just cleaned 2 days before - insecure and jealous much? I believe so) said, "(Someone from the church) called, and he wants to talk to you." So, my husband called, and we went over to his house to talk to him. He talked to my husband for about an hour. Then, he called me out to talk to me and tell me what they talked about. I thought this was really nice and respectful. He actually included me. Anyway, this is when we found out a whole lot of stuff that his family was saying. For instance, that we were getting a divorce. We never said that; never even hinted at that. But, that's what his family was telling everyone! Ugh! They were so just trying to make that happen themselves, and they got even more psycho when they couldn't. I can't remember much else we found out. A lot of stuff that came from his brother, who is also a big fat liar, but they would believe him because "he saw it firsthand." He was the one who would always just show up at our house too. And, you know...his brother used to call me to talk. Everyone knows I could talk to a wall if I had to, so maybe that's why. But, his brother would confide in me and come to me. I remember nights when his brother would sit there talking to me, crying, or showing other emotions connected to his feelings. Not to my husband, but to me. I also remember both my husband and his brother expressing their fear of their dad to me (I didn't really get it at the time - I didn't understand how you just couldn't do what you wanted without worry about what anyone else wanted - but they couldn't do that; they had to do exactly what their dad wanted, whether it was what they wanted or not). So, the fact that at one point his brother had a lot of trust and confidence in me is kind of disheartening because he did a complete turn around. Kind of sucks...no, not kind of. It really sucks. His brother is like a clone of his dad.

Moving on.

We also had to go the doctor that morning because my husband had a swollen saliva gland on his cheek. Like, where his jaw connects. Anyway, we know now that it's because he has Sjogren's syndrome (an autoimmune disease that affects glands and stuff). Back then, we didn't know this yet. This was the second or third time in a couple of years that he had it. When his dad got home that day, he asked my husband what the doctor said, and my husband told him. His dad responded with, "Well, you're being too lazy; you probably wouldn't have that if you would get off your butt and do something." Wait...what?! My husband just spent three weeks with a high fever and two weeks in the hospital. I don't think there is anything wrong with him being "lazy." Though, it wasn't being lazy; it's called recovering!

Then, we were going to pick up my husband's prescription, and my father-in-law says, "Well don't run off with her forever and not come back," before he mumbles, "She would be the one who would take you." I'm sorry...didn't y'all kidnap my husband and bring him across the country? Didn't y'all try to keep me from coming to him? Didn't y'all not tell him anything about me? What is the point of these stupid undermining comments? Oh...to be a jerk..yeah, that's what I thought. Soooooo annoying!

Well, when we got back from picking up his medicine, I decided I should take a shower because I thought we were going to take his sister to the halloween party that night. The bathroom was right next to the living room/tv room area, so you can always hear what's going on in that room. When I was finished showering, I proceeded to dry off, put lotion on, get dressed, etc. Well, immediately when I turned the water off, I heard what started the worst night of my life.

I could hear his dad yelling. That's when I knew it wasn't a good thing. I could hear the fear in my husband's voice. That's when I knew it was an even worse thing. I can't remember everything that was said in that conversation, but I know his dad was trying to force thoughts and emotions on my husband. He was trying to convince my husband of things that weren't true. He put down my family and me, of course. I remember him saying we needed to get out of our "condo" because my dad owned it. It was a townhouse...such a dummy! I remember my husband trying to stand up to him, and him being shot down and being made to feel like he, my family, and I were/are terrible, awful people. I remember his dad trying to make it seem as though he (my father-in-law) and the rest of his family had done nothing wrong and it was all my fault. I remember him just trying to force and push everything on my husband. I seriously can't remember much of what was said, only that his dad was being very forceful and controlling and got more and more frustrated that my husband wasn't giving in. I didn't come out of the bathroom until I knew my father-in-law had left. I was too scared to do so before then.

When I came out, my husband and I went to our room to talk. We both agreed his dad was acting in a crazy manner, but we didn't know what to do. My husband was really upset. He was fed up and frustrated with his family's behavior. I was really upset too - I had never dealt with people like this before my husband came into my life. Mostly, we tried to talk through our emotions and comfort one another.

We didn't get to talk too much, however, because his mom busted into the room (without knocking; she literally just walked in; they don't have locks on their rooms - lame), and immediately we could tell she didn't come in with a good attitude. The first thing she said was, "What's going on?" Well, what I should have said was that my husband and I were talking, and it was really rude of her to just walk in and interrupt us. But, it was my husband who answered, saying, "Dad just attacked me." Her response? "He didn't attack you" (and it seemed like she was so mad that my husband could even say that). Excuse me? Were you even here? Nope; didn't think so. Ugh! These people are unreal.

I know that, at this point, my husband tried to say how his dad had acted, but his mom just wanted to deny his dad's actions, and she was trying to butt into our life, trying to tell us what to do; her main thing was that she didn't want us with each other - you know, it was their whole plan - bring my husband away from me to try to get him to divorce me (something we didn't find out until later). Well, when I came to my husband, that ruined their plan, and they were really really really wanting me away from my husband. Um, no thanks.

Well, I can vividly remember where my husband and I were sitting - we were both sitting on the bed (we sat the entire time), and I had my hand on my husband's leg. My husband and his mom were saying things back and forth - my husband never yelled; just simply conveyed what he was feeling, but he really didn't get to do that much because he was constantly being interrupted by his mom.

I don't remember much that was said, but I do remember the very end. I didn't say anything until then. His mom just kept saying over and over that we (my husband and me) needed time apart; that we didn't need to be near each other...blah, blah, blah. So, I looked at her (and I was crying at this point, mainly out of frustration and being so hurt constantly) and said something along the lines of, "It's our life; we can decide what we want to do; please stop trying to tell us what to do; why can't you just support us?" I'm not sure if I said all of that or parts of that or what. I do know it all had to do with me saying we were going to make decisions for us and I just wanted their support; not their control (though I never said control or called them controlling, ever - that would just open even more doors of fury). It also wasn't a very long statement - I know I had what I said out in about 5 seconds. I also know that I remained sitting on the bed and kept a completely calm and normal level voice. In fact, I think my voice was even quieter than my normal talking voice. Well, when I said that, my mother-in-law just walked out and slammed the door. Go figure...I pretty much said I wouldn't let them control me, and it's all about control for them.

Well, later (meaning, later that night, and she said this to my husband), my dear mother-in-law changed this incident saying I got in her face and yelled at her. Ha...my husband was there; he witnessed it; he knows I sat on the bed by him the entire time and never even came close to raising my voice, let alone yelling. So, where in her mind she thought she would accomplish something by telling my husband I got in her face and yelled at her when he was there, I'll never know. I know she's told other people this (who weren't there), but my husband who was there...that's just kind of crazy. And then, she had the nerve to get furious at my husband when he stood up to her saying he was right there and that I didn't move from the bed and never even got loud. I mean...she was literally trying to make my husband believe that something happened when it really didn't, and she got undeniably furious when he wouldn't go along with her. Ha...soooooo stupid, sooooo unreal, sooooo unexplainable, sooooo not understandable. I just can't comprehend them.

Oh, one more thing about her coming into that room. In the middle of her going off on her tangent, my husband's younger sister of the two sisters came walking in right in the middle of it all. Did my mother-in-law ask her to leave? No. Instead, right when the sister walked in, my mother-in-law slapped the crap out of her...on her head, her shoulders, her arms, her back, whatever was in front of her. As she was slapping her, she was telling her to get out. My husband looked at his mom and said, "MOM!" He said it in a shocked/disappointed/what did you just do? sort of way. My mother-in-law's response? She said, "Well, she needs to learn she can't just walk in like that!" There was no remorse, no recognition that slapping the crap out of her daughter because she simply walked in a room at the wrong time was remotely bad. Nope...just justification on her part. I mean...who does that to their child because the kid just walked into the room...something, I might add, that my mother-in-law did just a few minutes prior...my mother-in-law just walked right in on my husband and me talking...now what would she have done if my husband or I just started slapping her like she did her own daughter? We wouldn't have because we're not like that and don't go around hitting people, but I'm just saying...if someone else were to do it (or pretty much everything they do for that matter), she (and my father-in-law) would think it was wrong, yet when they do it, it's okay and there's always a justification for it...it's like they don't know how to act according to what's normal and okay...it's okay for them to act insane in their heads...I'm not sure. Seriously...it's madness! She didn't just slap her once or twice or three times, even...she slapped her probably at least two handfuls of times in a matter of seconds. And she didn't see anything wrong with it! There was no reason for physical punishment in the first place, and then to do it that much...and then not see anything wrong with it and justify it! I mean...that shows something there...her first reaction was to hit multiple times...and over nothing...but in her head, it's okay! Sooooo awful! We felt really bad for his sister (the same sister who told me about a year and a half before this that their dad hit her, and I just brushed it aside as something she was just saying...ughhhhh I should have listened!). Also, I can't remember when this was, but I remember this same sister saying to their mom (sometime when we were there when my husband was sick) to stop bothering us (or something like that) and the mom's response was, "(Younger Sister), you just don't understand everything, so you just need to stop." Such control and abuse! You either agree with them and do what they say or you're punished (something my husband has told me his entire childhood and adulthood up until into our marriage was like - it's how he was raised - they don't even know the real him because it was either their way or the highway, so he learned to just go with what they wanted and tell them what they wanted, even if it wasn't really him).

Moving on....

We were both pretty upset at this point, but it wasn't even close to over. My husband's brother called him out into the TV room area, and my husband told the younger of his sisters (the one who had gotten slapped) to stay in the room with me. I was bawling, and I distinctly remember her telling me she understood what I was going through. She even said I wasn't doing anything, but I was still getting attacked. I looked at her and said, "Welcome to my life." She got it then; at least to some degree. She understood how no matter what I did, I would always be treated badly. It's crazy how convincing my parent-in-laws are because, now (3 years after the fact), she completely hates me, and has said and done some pretty awful things towards me herself. She was to this point a couple of years ago. So, within one year, they made her do a complete turn around regarding me. She used to look up to me and love me a lot, and not she despises me; I'm still not sure what they told/did to her in order to make her behave and think the way she does now. It's really discouraging and depressing how they even turned his sisters so far against me when they were really like my own little sisters. I know at least part of is them saying I won't allow my husband to talk to them. When, in fact, my mother-in-law told my husband he had to choose, and then when we still tried to have a relationship with his sisters, they threatened us. We had not choice but to not talk to them at that point. Very manipulative - threatening us to make us stop talking to his sisters too, and then turning it around on me. Ugh!

Okay...I have no idea what his brother said to him, I just know my husband went missing at this point (I later found out his mom was having a freak out on him - the younger of his two sisters went to find him for me and then she disappeared - I'm not sure where to). His brother and the older of his two sisters then left to go to a Halloween party at the church right about now. Oh, I also remember the younger of his two sisters (the same one who had just gotten slapped a lot...she was being brave at this point after having that done to her) opening the door of the room we were in and yelling out to them to leave me alone. She did this after I said, "Welcome to my life." She even said she would always be there to support me, as well as my husband and us together. This seriously makes me so sad to remember how much she didn't believe them and how much she supported not just my husband, but us and me. Now, she's not even close to that anymore. I can't stop crying now as I type this because they are just so manipulative. I completely forgot about her telling me she would never listen to them and how much she loved me and my husband and that she supported us - I didn't remember; not until I was reliving it just now. It's so depressing and sad. I wish even one person in his family would show that love and support now...instead, they only show disgust, hatred, and cruelty; all of them. Not a single one of them wants us married - they even told my husband at one point that I don't exist to them. When they try to say something to my husband (in whatever way they can - mail, internet, through others, etc.), it's always only to my husband; I'm always forgotten. They don't want a relationship with me; all they care about is my husband, and that's probably more for the sake of their image than anything. I'm so sad about this complete transformation that I just recognized in the youngest. The older of the two sisters isn't quite as bad as the younger one, but neither of them view everything as it truthfully happened - they've been lied to so much. They view me as a manipulative crazy person who has brainwashed my husband because that's what they're being told by their parents and probably my husband's brother too. :'(

Sorry...the story

Well, at about this time, I decided I couldn't stay there anymore. So, I called my mom and told her I didn't know what my husband was doing, but I was getting out of there and I might need her to come get me from my friend's apartment (who lived in the town and picked me up from the airport and let me stay with her to begin with - thank goodness for amazing friends!). Then, I was only decided on getting out of the house - I had no intent of not having anything to do with them. I just wanted to get somewhere safe and figure out where to go from there.

I was packing very quickly, but I had to check that I wasn't leaving anything behind. So, I was in their laundry room checking for clothes in there when in walks his dad (into the house - the garage door was near the laundry room). My initial instinct was to hide behind their washer/dryer (can't remember which one was farther away from the laundry room door). Anyway, let me tell you why this was my first reaction.

His dad didn't casually walk in. Oh, heck no, there wasn't any of that. He walked in screaming at the top of his lungs. On top of that, he was screaming outrageous stuff, but I don't remember what he was saying at that moment (I only remember a little later - you'll see). He was also slamming doors, hitting walls, throwing things, breaking things, slamming the dog gate, and pacing/walking furiously around the kitchen while doing all of this. I guess he realized my husband and his mom were in the master bedroom, and he went through the gate (I swear he was trying to break it when he through it too) to the other side of the house, continuing to yell, hit things, throw things, and whatnot. He was acting in such a scary manner. I was absolutely terrified.

A good 30-45 mins. (maybe even an hour) went by. I was packing and making sure I had everything. I was also on the phone with my mom a lot, trying to figure out what I needed to do. After a good amount of time elapsed, my husband came into the room and said, "Pack your bags; we're leaving." I told him I was already packed, and I proceeded to help him pack. A few minutes after my husband came into the room, I heard his dad screaming, and the screaming was getting closer. I knew he was walking across the house to our room. At the moment, I thought he was coming to attack my husband or me or both of us, so my immediate reaction was to try to protect my husband (who had almost died a couple of weeks before this, might I add, and had been in the hospital for two weeks that month - a major reason I wanted to protect him - he was super weak and still recovering from a major illness and near death experience in the hospital). My in-laws don't have locks on their doors (except on the younger sister's room, but it's on the outside and meant to lock her in her room so she can't get out...hrmmm....weird).

Anyway, so I went to the door, shut it, and put my weight into it to keep it shut. I didn't think his dad would push his way in...I figured he would try to open it, see we were trying to keep it shut, and just leave it at that...it's like I forgot I was dealing with crazy people. So, his dad made it to the door and tried to open it, but I got it back shut after it barely budged. He put a little more force into it to open it, but I still managed to keep it shut. Then, it's as if he didn't care and put everything into it (at this point, he knew someone was behind the door, and I would think he knew it was me because the second time he tried to open it, I saw his eyes and he was looking straight at me, so I know he saw mine and knew who was behind the door...but his insanity made him not care or something...who knows). Now, his dad is a big guy; almost double my size, and he knows that. He knew exactly what he was doing. I used to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he might have done this accidentally, but that's not how he works. He definitely did this on purpose:
He put all of his force into opening the door (I didn't stand a chance), and it was meant to do some damage (something I know he was trying to do). I went flying across the room a good 6 feet at least and rammed into the dresser. At this point, I was scared, but I was also ticked that he would have the nerve to do something like that. I was so frustrated and mad at how they had been acting not only for the few weeks we had been there while my husband was recovering, but also about everything that had happened since we had been married, and when I think about it more, since were dating and engaged (dating and engaged were just more subtle stuff - married was much more obvious and damaging).

I was sitting on the floor next to the dresser, full of emotions after flying across that room (my husband's back was to the door because he didn't want to have to look at his dad, but he heard all of this - it wasn't until later that night when I told him what happened and how scared I was that he knew exactly what happened and could connect actions with what he heard). Then, his dad set me over the edge when he yelled (And I mean yelled probably as loudly as he could...with a scary, angry look in his eyes...and his entire body was shaking...and he was pointing his finger at my husband's back), "JUST REMEMBER IT WASN'T OUR FAMILY WHO CALLED YOU UNWORTHY AND A CHILD MOLESTER!"

Well, I was ticked because I knew he was talking about my family since when he was coming across the house, he was yelling crap about us going to my family's house. I was already full of emotions and then I just had it, watching him act that way and talk to my husband that way, do that to me, and have the nerve to say untrue things on top of it all. I popped right up, and I yelled back (I hardly ever yell - my parents rarely yell - it's how I was raised - I'm embarrassed that I yelled, but I'm not embarrassed about what I said - my counselors and therapists have all told me not to beat myself up about yelling in this instance because this was an extremely terrifying and emotionally draining event and most people would have snapped well before I did, and would have acted way worse than I did). I said, "Who in my family has called him a child molester and unworthy?" My father-in-law, turned and came towards me, with anger in his eyes and his arms raised, hands forming fists, and screamed, "YOUR BROTHER..." I didn't listen to what came after that because I yelled back (while bawling my eyes out - I don't feel like I ever yelled like most people yell - I know my voice was much louder than normal - but not quite to yelling yet - well, nothing compared to my father-in-law's raging voice, at least), "My brother never said that (father-in-law), you need to stop twisting things around!" Because, you know...that's what they do...they make things up, and they twist things. I told y'all about how my brother said he didn't trust my husband because he lied so much (and my husband did lie pretty much all of the time back in the first year or so of our marriage - something he did all of his life...I was just the first one to say something about his lying), but my father-in-law took that and changed it to say my brother called him a child molester...those are definitely not the same thing.

Anyway, while I was saying that last part about him twisting stuff, my father-in-law advanced towards me, raising his arms, and I know he was going to hit me and probably beat me. He was probably about a foot away from me when my husband reached out and stopped him. My husband says he feels like his dad was going to strike me at that moment, and he would have had my husband not stopped him. Then my father-in-law turned and walked away.

That's the only time I've ever lost my cool with his family. My husband always says, however, that I was pushed to the limit...and I was. I still regret getting loud, but I don't regret what I said. His dad literally acted like a crazy person that night. I still don't think I've seen what his dad is capable of, and that scares me.

Oh, I need to explain what happened in the time while I was packing and my husband was across the house and trapped by his parents....here's what I found out from him
Okay, so...apparently, his mom called him over there in a fury. When he got over there, all she did was cuss him out. I'm not sure what she said (probably a lot of the same stuff), but I do know she used the f-bomb over and over and over on top of every other word. So, now I guess it's okay to cuss out your children with the most profane words you can think of. When his dad got in there, I know that he shoved my husband into the wall (to walk by him, maybe, but still...you just shoved your son who was still sick and recovering from almost dying into the wall...wow). I know that his dad said something about we didn't need to cut them out (something we hadn't even decided yet and was never mentioned), and that they weren't doing anything wrong, that my husband and I didn't need to be together...blah blah blah...same ole' same ole'. What has always stuck out to me was his mom cussing him out (his dad too - I believed his dad used the f-word on on him, as well), and his dad being physical with him. My husband said he had enough of her cussing him out, his dad cussing him out, and being shoved into the wall, and he just walked out. He tried for a long time to reason with her and with his dad, but they were just being abusive...what's new. Then, when he walked out, you know what happened...his dad chased him, yelling and screaming, sent me across the room, then tried to advance on me but was stopped by my husband (it's no wonder my husband thought his dad would hurt me - he had already hurt him).

Back to when his dad walked away from us...
After his dad walked away, his parents left to go the Halloween party, but not before slamming the door shut. We finished packing, got everything we needed, and then headed to the party as well to find a place to stay for the next week since my husband had so many doctor appointments still (and the bishop had offered to let us come stay with him - after telling us it wasn't safe for me to be in my in-laws' house...that says something too...the bishop is saying it isn't safe for me to be there...and their friend told me the same thing!). More frustrations came at the Halloween party as we discovered how they were acting towards people who were nice to us.

A lady who worked for my husband's parents saw us first thing when we pulled into the parking lot. She told us she was sorry about everything that was going on, and told us not to go into the building because my in-laws were furious...apparently they were going rampant and trying to convince everyone not to help us and getting mad at anyone who defended us. She talked to us for probably around an hour. She told us my in-laws were mad that they (the employee and her husband...they are also friends of my in-laws) offered to let us come stay with them (this was the friend, not the bishop...the same friend of their's that we went to talk to this morning...the same friend who told me it wasn't safe for me). She even said to my mother-in-law, "So you would rather your son, who is sick, and his wife be left out on the street than to have your friends offer to help them?" And I guess that made my mother-in-law even more furious. She said that she (the employee) was chastised for hugging me (by my in-laws and people at the church, and if people at the church were saying stuff, who knows what they were told by my in-laws). She admitted my father-in-law was very prideful and that my mother-in-law was a little bit dramatic. I can't tell you how many times my mother-in-law walked by and gave us looks like she wanted to kill all three of us. I can't remember everything that we talked about it. Most of it was about how sorry she was that this was happening, but she knew we loved each other and were good to each other. She even took up for me to my in-laws, but that didn't help; if anything, it probably made them even worse. What is really bizarre is that we talked to her a few weeks later, and she told us my in-laws had been wanting to fire her for talking to us, being so nice and supportive towards us and me, and for offering to help us. To add to it, she quit a few months later...interesting. I don't know why she quit, but chances are my in-laws were jerks to her from that moment (meaning, since they were nice to us) on.

We then talked to the bishop, and he told us we could stay with them - they were very nice and supportive to us, and I am grateful for that. We stayed with them for a week before we went to my parents' house in a different town. We said bye to the younger of his two sisters, and told her we would come see her and we would still talk to her - we can't now since his parents have threatened us not to talk to his sisters, but we didn't know they would do that then. We had every intention of maintaining a relationship with his sisters at that point. I'll get to the threatening in a different post since this one was so long.

That was the last time I was ever around them...my husband too...I mean...other than when they have stalked him out and cornered him.

So, that's it...the night I feared being beaten...the night I feared for my life...the night my in-laws' exploded, but the night I know doesn't compare to what they are capable of according to my husband...and that makes it all the more terrifying.

Leading up to the scary night...

Okay, I'm going to have to give some background information on this first.

A year into our marriage, my husband got really sick. He started out with a fever and sore throat. We took him to the doctor, and the tests showed no strep or flu. A week into him having a high fever, we had a follow up doctor appointment, and they admitted him into the hospital. He had a fever of around 103 or higher for a week, so I'm glad they did. They determined he had a blood infection (caused by the streptococcal virus - so strep, but the test run by the doctor was run too late into it to show a positive result for it or something like that), but they could not keep his fever down. While in the hospital, he developed pneumonia - he has a higher chance of developing this because he has 3 autoimmune diseases and a connective tissue disorder; the technical term is a "mixed connective tissue disorder." They began treating him for pneumonia and released him with antibiotics to get better. He was in the hospital for a week at this point.

During that stay, I got a whole lot of crap from his family that deserves it's own post. Despite my husband saying he was fine with just me, his mom flew up there because "no one can take care of him like his mother." Can't tell you how many times that was said/something like that was said. She even brought his brother. They were jerks to me from the second they got there. They ignored me - acted like I didn't exist. Hellooooooo...I've been sleeping at the hospital taking care of him, and y'all show up the day he's getting released and think you're helping? Um...I do believe you showed up to cause drama. And they did.

Leaving a lot of information out because it's too much to write at the moment, I'll get you to how we ended up in our home state. His mom and dad kept calling our bishop, who then got worried and contacted my dad (who was on vacation in Europe at the time - rotten timing, I know, but they had no way of knowing this would happen). I guess they were making threats and saying things that were really scary, so my dad called me and said, "(my name), I can't explain right now, but you need to tell (my husband) to leave. He needs to take all of his stuff and get out of there. It's for both of your safety. I'll explain more when we're back in the country, and we can be around to help." So, that's what we did. It was so hard! Turns out...that's exactly why his mom came up there in the first place - they even told people we were getting a divorce, which was never anything either one of us mentioned. Basically, she came up there to get her son away from me to try to get us to divorce. What weirdos.

Moving on...lots of stuff went on while they were driving back too. We talked the whole time and she was very annoyed and bothered by that - sorry he loves his wife more than his mom! Anyway, the night they got back, he was having a lot of pain in his chest and left arm. They took him to the hospital (By the way, they weren't even going to call and inform me of this - my husband had to push them to do that - how horrible are they? The first time he went in to the hospital, I called them, even though I hated them so much). Well, he was having a heart attack - fluid built up around his heart and was essentially suffocating his heart. I'm sure the drive across the country didn't help...stupid selfish psychos...we now refer to this as "the kidnapping." He asked his mom the night before if she would get him water, and she said, "You can get it yourself." Hellooooo, you knew he had pneumonia. He told me about that and then said, "I realize now everything you do for me. You actually take care of me and truly love me. I need you to take care of me" (When I was staying with him in the hospital, he would say my name and I would pop up to hold his drink for him because he was so weak, he couldn't do it himself. I would bend the straw down so he wouldn't have to move - I would do whatever he needed without hesitation). And then he went to the hospital about 5 hours after he said that to me. He came within less than a day of dying. I flew down there, and no one even told him I was coming, even though he kept asking about me. And they knew too! Dummies. The nurse had to tell him I was coming and what time I would be in. My friend had to pick me up from the airport, drive me to the hospital, and let me stay with her that night.

Okay, soooo he was in the hospital for a total of a little over a week and a half, had a fever of around 103 for about 3 weeks (you're not supposed to live longer than 2 weeks with a fever that high), had strep throat, a blood infection, pneumonia, and almost died. Needless to say, the doctors didn't want us driving back to where we lived right away. So, we had to stay in the state. My family was still in Europe, so we thought our only option was to stay with his family. Ugh...big mistake!

Every other day or so, there was something awful said to us or done to us. No matter how I acted (friendly, nonchalant, quiet - I tried it all), they would never treat me well. I cooked dinner every night, and they never ate it. I cleaned and I bathed/took care of their dogs, and they thanked my husband; not me. They even got mad at me for cooking. Oh, I'm sorry...my husband almost died; I don't think it's really healthy for him to eat fast food every night. We got sarcastic remarks, snotty remarks, mean remarks, down right rude remarks.

Oh, but don't worry...they were nice to me in public. What a fool I was. Once, I even thought things were getting better because they were so nice to me at a church activity. But, that was only for show - because people were around. Behind closed doors, they weren't even close to nice to me. In fact, one morning before church, his dad left him this terrible note - degrading his whole character and destroying me (all because his mom told him he had to choose between me and them, and he said he chose me - she wanted me out of their house, and he said if I go, he goes with me, and she got furious). Then, at church, as we were waiting to talk to their bishop (who offered to let us stay with him) because we felt like we needed somewhere else to go, his dad walks up to me and is like "Hey! How's it going?" and gives me this huge hug in front of all these people (I just stood there; I wasn't going to hug that jerk back). That's when it clicked with me that he would be nice to me in public because that's who he is - a liar, a showboat, someone who hides how he really acts. When we talked to their bishop, their bishop even told me I needed to get out of their house and that it wasn't safe for me to be there. Some of their friends told me the exact same thing. Maybe they knew what he was capable of.

Sometime while we were there, a member of their church died. We were going to go to the funeral, but I got into a huge fight with my mom, and I wasn't able to get ready in time. My husband didn't even know the guy very well, so we didn't think it was that big of a deal. They did - they were furious at us for not going. The next night was their church's halloween party, and his little sister (the youngest) really wanted to go, but his parents kept acting like they weren't going and wouldn't take her. So, we offered to take her. Well, that didn't go over well, and that's when all you know what broke loose. The night of that halloween party was a huge turning point - the night I saw what it was like when they snap. And, ya' know...I don't even think that's as bad as it can get. It was the most frightening night of my life. And they won't admit to and apologize for any of it, making it even scarier.

That will be my next post - that night.

He called her

And it went well. He only talked to her for about 7 mins. She wasn't mean, she didn't say anything bad, or try to put us down or anything. He said he told her who it was, and she was like, "Oh," in a happy surprised kind of way. Then he said we knew where she was at college, and at first she got defensive and asked, "How do you know that?" But, he just reminded her that we still talk to people from their hometown. Then, she wasn't really bothered. He just told her that we're proud of her for going to college (it's where we both went for undergrad too), and that we want her to do well. He reminded her that even though it's really exciting there, that the school is really difficult, that you have to put a lot of work into it, and to not forget about school. He let her know that we always wanted to have a relationship with her but we weren't allowed to by other people, and we decided it wasn't safe anymore after we tried to contact her a few times (he reiterated this a lot). He emphasized how much I care about her, and how much I've missed her and love her. He even told her I've cried many times because I had to lose her because of other people, and I knew it was out of my control. I guess she started crying, but in a happy way - not a mad way. Then he just asked what she was studying and how she was liking it, about where she was living, if she had roommates, etc. Oh, he also said he knows she's heard a lot of things about me and us, but he wanted to remind her that those things aren't true, and she said, "I know that." I wonder if she really meant that she knows what she's hearing about us isn't true, or if she just didn't know what to say, so that's all she said. He also said, "You know (me) is a good person, right?" And she said, "Yeah, I do know that." And then he asked, "And you know I'm a good person, right?" And she said yes. And he asked her again to just please not believe those things about us then. And she said okay. I don't know if everything is genuine or not, but he felt like all she said was. Maybe she can't see it fully, and maybe she's confused and has conflicting thoughts in her head. I'm just happy she knows how much we have wanted to have a relationship with her, how much we love her, and how much we've missed her - because I know how much it's been drilled into her head that everything's my fault and this is what I've wanted (please, who would ever want this kind of thing with their in-laws? Definitely not me!). Knowing his dad, he'll take it and apply it to the whole family - the liar that he is. But...the only person I've missed is her. She's the only one that felt like family to me. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. He said she didn't say much...just a lot of yeahs, uh huhs, and I knows. She also said she loves both of us. Maybe we'll be able to have some kind of relationship with her. But, who knows...it's hard with the rest of his family.

Tomorrow, or sometime soon....I'm going to write about one of the most difficult things for me. It's the night we left their house when my husband was sick - the night we decided it wasn't safe for us to have anything to do with them. It's hard because it scares me. That night, I was terrified for my life. I still have nightmares about it. So, I'll try my best.

Ugh!

I think I'm just getting my hopes up. Maybe his sister thinks the same things about me and us as the rest of his family. In the back of my mind, I think I'm hoping she doesn't. Maybe it's a lost cause. I hear about things she says to the rest of his family, and it makes me think that she's under that spell my in-laws put their children in - the one where they think they are better than everyone else, that they do nothing wrong, that they are the closest family in the whole world, and you need to do everything with your family. I seriously hate this!

Decisions

Well, we know that my husband's sister (the older of the two) is off at college. We're debating whether he should call her. She's the one member of his family that there might be hope with. But, we don't want any negative repercussions for her or us. Anytime something major was coming up (birthday, graduation, etc.), we made sure to send her something. We sent her stuff because we truly do care about her, and we wanted her to know that. We never wanted to not have a relationship with his sisters, but we were forbidden to do so by his parents. They literally gave us an ultimatum and threatened us. After everything they said and did, we decided it was safer for us and his sisters if we didn't contact them. There were a few times we tried to call, but we would be put on speakerphone, his sisters would be used as tools to say something his parents wanted, or the phone would be taken by/handed over to his parents and then we would have to just hang up (among other things).

But, now she's at college. Those things can't happen, right? Is this just wishful thinking? I know we could have had a great relationship - we did have a great relationship, so I think I just get sad thinking how I lost someone I could have been close with. I have no idea what she truly thinks about my husband and/or about me. The other sister (the younger of the two) has said a lot of hurtful things about me that are almost unforgivable. I try to be understanding saying I know she's been brainwashed to act that way, but I still have no desire to talk to her again after all she's done. But this other sister...she's said and done a couple of things, but nothing extreme like the rest of the family. It's hard to know what she's actually thinking. She's the one member of the family who actually admits that her brother's friend's kid isn't her real nephew (grandson for the parents). So, deep down, I feel there is something inside of her that might understand it. I don't want to get my hopes up, but it's hard not to. Hrmmmm what to do.



My husband and I were talking the other day about one particular instance that was just crazy. I don't know if I've written about it, or if I've even mentioned it, but I'm going to now.

While we were doing our undergrad, 1500 miles away from where they lived, his family would come stalk us out every 3 months or so..or more. Well, one day, I was at class, and while I was walking to my other class, I called my husband (who was at home). As I was talking to him, he said, "(My name), my truck's driving away...someone just stole my truck." And I was like, "What?!" So, he ran downstairs and there was a note on our door. It said something like, "If you want your truck back, you need to call me - Mom" and she wrote her number down. Okay, I mean...seriously?! Well, I went to my next class, handed in my work that was due that day, and tried to go home, but uh...his mom was standing on our doorstep.

So, I called my husband. Apparently she had tried to use the key his brother had and never gave back. But, thankfully, we had changed the locks. Whew! So, she kept banging on the door, and yelling through the door at my husband.

Meanwhile, I called the cops. See, my husband bought the truck with his own money before we ever even met, but his mom's name was on the title along with my husband's because they didn't even let my husband pick out his own truck...they went one day without him and did it all...ugh! They are so controlling! We tried to write his parents to get them to send the original title so that we could get everything changed, but they claim they never got the emails and letters (we sent it like 5 times through email and once in a letter). Whatever liars...you knew you could hold that against us and try to control the situation. That's how they are...they see something they can use and then use it to try to manipulate you and the situation to get exactly what they want. In this instance, they wanted to try to manipulate my husband into talking to them.

Okay...so I called the cops but because her name was also on the title, I couldn't report it...dang it! So, I drove around trying to find his truck, but I couldn't find it anywhere. I was literally shaking, my heart was beating so fast, and it was hard for me to breathe (panic attacks...ugh...they suck...but I haven't had them in a long while...and I wouldn't have ever had them had I not had to deal with crazy abusive in-laws!). I called my brother who lived about 45 mins. away from us at the time and told him what was going on just in case he needed to come down there (I'm telling you, I'm terrified of his dad). I remember telling my brother, "His mom is standing outside our house and I can't get in, but when I drove by I gave her a really mean look." And my brother laughed at me...it does sound kind of funny.

Also, it was as if they planned it. You see, when my husband was really sick and we were at their house, and then all craziness broke loose and his dad ended up sending me flying across the room, that's when we knew we had to leave and not have anything to do with them. That was just it - I was scared for my life - my husband was furious and angry - not good for someone who was having a heart attack because of pneumonia and came within less than a day of dying just a couple of weeks before that. Ugh! So selfish! Anyway...when we went to leave that night, we could only find the spare set of keys. We couldn't find the keys to his truck we always used. We looked everywhere...in other words, his stupid family probably took them to try to keep us from leaving (or, my husband from leaving...they don't give a crap about me), and they forgot about the spare keys (thankfully!). So, we just took the spare, and, at the time, we figured the original key was just lost. Now I know...stupid manipulative jerks!

Back to the story. My husband's mom was yelling through the door and banging on it, and said something like, "This is crazy," or "You're acting crazy." I can't remember...it was one of those two things or a combination of them - I just know crazy was in there, and she was aiming it towards my husband. Then, my husband kind of lost it. He threw open the door and said, "I know you aren't calling me crazy when y'all are the ones who flew all the way up here and stole my truck, you stupid B*@!?!" My husband hardly ever cusses..only when he's really mad. I don't like cussing, so that's why it's edited. :) Anyway...I'm not sure what all went on then, but I know his mom looked him dead in the eye and said she would never lie to him and my husband laughed. She asked what she has lied to him about and he said, "I don't have the time to sit here and list all the things you have lied to me about."

I guess she walked around the corner and got his dad and his truck. They brought some papers to get the title switched over. Told you...they wanted to control it all. How much simpler would it have been for them to just send the title up to us? This was when they claimed they never got those messages...liars! Oh wait dear mother-in-law...was that a lie just now? Ughhhhhhh....then, they of course put me down, put my husband down...denied crap they've done...oh, asked for a puppy if our dogs were going to have them? Yeahhhhh I think not psycho! They also asked if we would go to dinner with them, and then got mad when my husband said no. lol...dummies!

They tried to claim that their insurance company told them to fly up there to take his truck. What?! What kind of insurance company would suggest that? Is everyone they associate with just as crazy as them? Or...oh, wait...was that another lie? Seriously...I am so angry right now writing about this! They are just insane!

After a long 45 mins-1 hour of waiting, my husband finally called and they were gone. We were both so shaken up. We both had class all day, and missed it all. But, of course, they don't care. They don't stop to think about what we might have had going on. They are only thinking about their controlling and manipulative ways.

Luckily, my counselor took us in an emergency session. Kevin was really upset, and I was really mad at the time. The next few days, of course I got depressed. Like I used to do every time they would do something. I would always be mad at first and then get depressed for a few days. My husband gets upset - angry, sad, annoyed, confused, etc., but then he's fine the next day! Dang boys and their easily controlled emotions.

Oh...they also claimed they didn't fly up there to take his truck. They flew up there to look for a place for his brother to live when he moved up there in a couple of months to go to school. A different school - thank goodness! But...if they didn't fly up there to take his truck or try to get into our house, why did they bring all the keys to do so? LIARS!

My husband called their bishop to explain what happened and to ask him to make sure they actually do send us the title. The bishop seemed really bothered that his parents did that and he was really mad at them at that point. Then, when my husband called back a couple of weeks later to get the status on the title, the bishop was annoyed with and mad at my husband and me. Just shows how manipulative, cunning, and dishonest his parents are. Who could possibly be able to turn that around on us? The title did come...months later.

Oh...but a few weeks later we got a card in the mail that said, "Sorry we had to borrow your truck." It said a bunch of other mean crap too...it even tried to force that friend's kid on us...he said your nephew in it. That kid still isn't even adopted...why not just admit you're using him to replace my husband?

Okay...but borrow his truck? BORROW?!! What the? Stupid crazies. I don't believe what y'all did constitutes borrowing. But...I'm sure that's what you said to everyone when you got back home...you probably also found a way to turn it around me...or my husband...or both of us. You just lied your way out of it. Well, guess what idiots...you won't be able to lie your way out of everything...you will destroy your own lives.

When my husband and I were talking, we were just thinking who in the world would not actually think doing something like this is crazy? But, they didn't think they were crazy in doing this...they defended it somehow to other people. How can you possibly justify this? I can only assume they lied about it...that's the only way they could make it not look crazy on them. I'm sure they put it on me somehow...like they do with everything else.

And they call me crazy and psycho? I don't believe I stalk y'all, hack into y'alls accounts, show up everywhere you are, snoop through all of your stuff, steal money and possessions from y'all, write mean, hateful letters to y'all, show up at your church and go on the stand to say crap about you, corner you at your work/school, contact your friends and leaders to try to convince them of things about you, write church headquarters about y'all, and everything else y'all have done! No...even though y'all have done so many terrible, crazy, hurtful, manipulative, dishonest, mean, hateful things...I have sat back and nothing in return. Nothing! Ever since we stopped talking to them 3 years ago, I haven't said or done anything to them. But I'm the crazy and psycho one? Oh, yeah, that's right...because you make stuff about me...you lie about me...and some people believe you. I still have hope that there are people who can see through this persona they put forth.

Okay..I'm done...I'm going to go lay out by the pool and read a good book. Hopefully, it'll clear my head. Gosh...remembering these things really brings up strong emotions.

I found this Link

http://compassionpower.com/Eggshells/index.html

Of course, I did it for my in-laws, and not my spouse. Here are my results.

Below 90: In your efforts to tiptoe around someone else’s moods, in the hope of avoiding blow-ups, put-downs, criticism, disgusted looks, sighs of disapproval, or cold shoulders, you unconsciously edit what you say. To some extent, you second-guess your judgment, ideas, and preferences about how to live. You might even begin to question what you think is right and wrong. You probably have a vague feeling, at least now and then, that you are losing yourself. Your perceptions of reality and your sense of self are changing for the worse. You may experience physical symptoms such as headaches, muscle aches, or stomach aches.




I honestly have so much anxiety with my in-laws. I'm extremely fearful of what they have done and what they could do. I think of scenarios that could happen; things they could possibly do in the future. It's just this never ending cycle that won't go away. They don't stop. They are now attacking my dad. What in the world is up with that? They are trying to destroy him. My dad handles it better than I do, but I'm so bothered by them. The things they are doing against my dad are backfiring, and they are not getting the results they want. One day, they'll realize they have built themselves walls of problems they cannot escape from. They are in the process of destroying their own lives; not mine.

Yet Another Email

Here is another email we received. This was shortly before everyone (my husband, me, my parents, & my in-laws) was going to meet with our bishop. Our bishop really wanted to help, but it's going to take my in-laws recognizing their wrongs and changing how they treat us to help anything. Anyway, here is what it said:



Manipulation - Influence by cunning - Met with Bishop and sister (lady who goes to church with them) yesterday, that is exactly what they said will happen with someone of this condition. (My husband), you and your bishop have fallen into this category. Sister (lady in their church) is very sorry to here your decisions, and is praying for you.

Hurt- feel or cause pain, Do harm to - This is what has happened to our relationship. The wounds are so deep that they cannot be mended. Your bishop has done this to mom, after telling her last night that her words are going unheard (in the bishop's handbook, it states that he cannot make judgement without knowing the whole truth. You have not told him the whole truth).

Injury - hurt, damage, or loss sustained - This is what you have allowed your wife to do to our family. Twenty-one years to build. Eight months to destroy.

Worthy - having worth or value - something that you have a lot of, but have been told otherwise by a previous Bishop. That is not something a current or previous bishop is supposed to tell someone when they have no supporting data to back it up.

Lose - fail to keep to or hold - After Thursday this is what has happened to Mom, Dad, (and my husband's siblings).

**Stake President is sorry to see such a great WORTHY young man, have such a difficult life ahead of him. He is also praying for you.

***I have explained to the new bishopric our situation. Everyone is praying for your safety and hoping you make good choices.

****We have asked your grandparents to keep you in their prayers.

*****As a family we are praying for your safety, and want good things for you (my husband). We are sorry we did not do a better job preparing you. We will have to be better examples for your brother and sisters and hope we do not lose them to.

We will always love you (my husband)






I'm not really in the mood to discuss how this made me feel. Just know that I was so hurt, and at this point (we had been married for about 10 months), I really started to believe these things they were saying about me were true. I truly believed I had some kind of disorder, but I have had it confirmed to me over and over again that I do not. Just notice the guilt and control they are trying to lay in to him in this email. Plus, how many people they brought in to it. I've always said what they see in me is themselves. I'm not sure why. Pretty much everything they said regarding these words - what I've done, or anyone else - was made up, or derived from them twisting something else. I hate how dishonest they are.

Soon, I'm going to make a post full of things I wish I could say to them - things that I just need to get out there. I hope y'all can see how awful this email is. It's wrong on so many levels. My husband got really upset about this and sent them an email back in the same format - defining words, and then elaborating on those words...all telling them the way they were acting was/is wrong. Well, that's all I really want to say. It's been a rough couple of weeks, and I honestly feel emotionally drained right now. I just thought I would posting something for y'all.

A good quote

Many times, this quote sums up how I feel:

“How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back. There are some things that time can not mend. Some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold.”

This is from Lord of the Rings. Frodo says it at the end of Return of the King.

I'm not saying you can't move on from abuse. You can move on from it; however, the wounds from abuse will always be in you. How you let it affect you is what makes all the difference. Do you constantly remain in the victim state? Undoubtedly, you will be in that state for a long time. Or, do you accept it as something that happened to you and move on from it? I'll admit that sometimes I still find myself in the victim state. This state is surfacing less and less and that's a good feeling. It will be nice when one day it clicks, I forgive them, and move on. Forgiveness doesn't mean I have a relationship with them like nothing ever happened. No, that can only happen if they recognize their behavior as abusive and permanently change. Forgiveness simply means you don't harbor bad feelings toward them anymore, and you are able to move on with your life. I haven't accomplished that yet. Research tells me that forgiveness takes a while in these situations, and I must be patient. I'm just waiting for that forgiveness to come. That will be my final peace, and I will finally be able to move on.

One email I got from them

This email came in response to me telling them I wanted to have a good relationship with them and asking them to stop being negative about me and towards me. They had already begun spreading lies and rumors about me and we had only been married for 8 months at this time. Well, I mean, I guess it all started before we ever got married, but I had only really noticed for about 4-5 months preceding this email. I really did want a good relationship with them. It was hard to form any kind of relationship with them when they constantly put me down, degraded me, blamed me for things, and spread so many terrible things about me. I remember this email made me so upset at the time. I was asking them kindly to please stop, and this is what I got back:

We are sorry you feel this way. The truth is that the (in-laws)'s have done nothing to negatively impact your marriage. We do not talk to (my husband) about his marriage. We only listen to (my husband) when he needs someone to vent to. He has always been a very happy and loving person. The loving person is still there, but the happy person is not, and we want to help him be happy, and part of that is to listen. We can only suggest that you get some medical help for your short comings and see if they can figure out what is wrong with you. Pushing blame on others does not fix your condition, it only makes it worse. If you want your marriage to work you have to forget about all the lies in the past, tell the truth to yourself and your family, and get some medical help. We will always be a part of (my husband's) life. (My husband)'s past will always be a part of (mu husband)'s life (and he had a happy past, he was always happy and smiling). We want to be a part of your future, but you have to come to grip with your short comings and erase them. Here is the scenario, you are standing in front of Heavenly Father and you want to enter the gates of Heaven to be with your family, are you prepared to explain. It could be a long wait if you don't get help. Your bishop and school counselor is obviously not helping, please see a doctor and get all the truth's out on the table. Good Luck,

Love,

(My husband)'s parents




I want to express how I feel now. Even though it's been 3 years since this was written, it still pains me. You see, my husband used to be such a pathological liar. He would lie about everything! They would get so mad at me for being upset that he was lying. They were convinced I was the problem, that I was causing him to lie; they had nothing to do with it. In reality, they had everything to do with it. He developed the horrid habit of lying in order to avoid being hurt by them. My poor husband. I didn't quite understand his lying back then, but I get it now. He has come such a long way. Sure, I still find out things from time to time, but at least he's not lying to me about things in the present anymore.

Sorry, I'm rambling. Just notice how they deny that they have done anything. They had done so much up to that point alone. Little did I know that it was just going to get worse. I haven't mentioned this, but my husband's brother went to school in the same state as us at this time, and he would always show up on the weekends at our house. He rarely called to give us a warning. Okay, we were newlyweds. Do you know how annoying this was? Well, my husband asked him not to come down as often, and they went kind of crazy over that even though his parents would tell his brother the same thing. Well, one weekend he came down, and went through my computer and phone while I wasn't home, and sent stuff to himself! Seriously, that really did happen! I was ticked! My husband asked him to apologize but he never did. Lame.

Anyway, back to the email. First, they deny that they have done anything. They constantly told my husband to leave me, they called me names, they would bad mouth me to everyone, including my husband, and they would be so rude and mean to me. It was beyond rude and mean - it was abusive; they are abusive.

They then say they wouldn't talk to him about his marriage; that they would only listen. Um, no. My husband told me so many times that he would have to talk to his family away from me because they would make him, otherwise, they would verbally abuse him. When they would talk to him on the phone, they would always bring me up, and try to create problems that didn't exist. For example, we didn't have kids then, and we don't have kids now...yet. However, they would constantly say stuff about me and our kids! Kids?! When did this happen? The point is, they would begin criticizing me, and they would get off on some kind of tangent in which they would develop these awful thoughts and scenarios that they actually believed! So, no. My husband did not try to talk to them about our marriage or me. They would force him into this awful conversation about his own wife.

Moving on. They say he's not happy anymore. This was just the beginning, but this has been said so many times since then that I can't even begin to estimate a number to equal how many times it has been said. But still, this is abusive - how mean and hurtful to claim his wife makes him unhappy!

Okay...medical help? Here's the sad part. I truly believed there was something wrong with me because I heard it so much from them. I went to many therapists, counselors, and doctors to make sure nothing was/is wrong with me. I suffered from some moderate depression and anxiety (mainly anxiety because they stalk us!) that was abuse-induced (this has since gone away as I've learned to manage their behavior), but they are convinced I have some kind of disorder. Sometimes, today, this still gets to me, and I start to believe there is something wrong with me. I have to remind myself what my main therapist would always say to me: "You are reacting NORMALLY to an ABNORMAL situation." I know I probably annoyed him because I asked him every session if he was sure there was nothing wrong with me; that I didn't have some kind of disorder. So, every session, he would say that I am reacting normally to an abnormal situation. Also, they (my husband's parents) both take prozac because they claim they both (the parents) have a chemical imbalance. But, I have news for them. Less than 2% of the people who take medicine like that have a chemical imbalance. They also claim they got on it for yelling. But, again, I have news for them. You don't get put on something like that for yelling. You get put on it because there is something wrong. Yelling can be treated with cognitive therapy, anger management, or something else along those lines. My major in college was related to psychology, and I'm getting my masters in counseling, so I know all about this. They are being dishonest about this - that's what I'm trying to point out. Anyway, once, they tried to claim his mom got pushed up to 250 mg. Wow, that's awfully high. The max is 80 mg. They are so dishonest, and they are usually dishonest in order to manipulate people. Well, there's obviously something fishy here. The point is that they were so abusive to me that even I started to believe the things they were saying about me. There comes a point when the abuse victims begin to tear themselves apart on their own. I reached that point.

And the worst part is at the end! Judging me? No one judges! You will be judged how you judge others, and they were trying to say I won't end up with my family; that's just terrible. They just told me I won't make it to heaven! What?!

After this email, my husband and I were apart for 3 or 4 days. I really didn't think we were going to make it. I couldn't deal with it anymore. They just constantly emotionally abused me, and I really couldn't handle it at all. Not to mention, I didn't even recognize this as abusive at the time. It wasn't until I switched majors in college and my professor talked about psychological and emotional abuse that I realized what they were doing. However, we made it through this. There was still a lot of pain as my husband played the middle man for a good 6 more months, but he put his foot down and we're great now.

This email made me feel worthless. It made me so angry, sad, scared, furious. Those are all normal reactions. I didn't know why I was feeling like that, so I really did think there was something wrong with me. However, those kinds of feelings are normal responses to being abused. Now I know that if I get angry, feel the anger. If I get sad, feel the sadness. I had a problem with panic attacks, and that was why. All of my life, if I felt any kind of negative emotion, I thought it was wrong, so I would block it out. Not only did I never like negativity to begin with, but my in-laws would make me out to be some kind of freak for being upset over things that I had a right to be upset about. Well, now I know. Feel the emotion. Allowing myself to feel the emotion lets those feelings not bottle up, ready to explode and take over my body physically in the form of panic attacks.
Note: there is a difference between feeling it and acting on it. I didn't act on my negative feelings, and I still don't act on my negative feelings. Back then, I wouldn't even feel it; I would almost be blank. Now, if I'm sad, angry, or upset in any way, I let myself feel it, but I never ever act on it.

One more note: because I was catching my husband and his family in a ton of lies, they began to think I was lying and very dishonest. They would always insinuate that I had some kind of problem with lying ("get all of the truths on the table"). Again, that's their way of life - putting everything on everyone else.

Wow. My emotions. Even now, knowing I should get out my feelings, I have a hard time. I think it's important for me to write how I feel; how this email made me feel. However, it's hard to do.

I really felt betrayed. I felt confused. I blamed my husband because I thought he allowed them to do this. It wasn't his fault though. He couldn't prevent them from acting this way. He still can't. I know how he feels. It's scary standing up to them because they are cruel. They are skilled at being manipulative and abusive. A kind-hearted person doesn't stand a chance against them. I felt absolutely depressed. I remember thinking, "What is wrong with me?" What have I done to deserve this?" I thought it was me. I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought I was a horrible person who did something to deserve this. Now, I have tears in my eyes reading this. How could people be so mean and not realize it? How could they not see how they treat other people? I always thought you got married and you would get two families. Yea! But, the reality is that doesn't always happen. Some people are selfish. Some people are wretched. Some people don't care about anyone but themselves. I have felt so much emotional pain from them. In time, it gets better, but the wounds never completely fade. I couldn't imagine treating someone the way they have treated me. I won't. I know what it's like. I'm so grateful for a husband who was able to recognize their behavior as abusive and was strong enough to break away from it. Otherwise, we probably wouldn't still be married.

Okay, soooooo

I figured instead of trying to write everything in sequential order, I would just write. Today, I am going to share the text messages my husband would receive on a daily basis. We got our numbers changed, and eventually they found out our new numbers, but then we changed them again, and haven't received anything since. We still don't know how they found out our new numbers, but oh well. That psychotic-ness is a completely different story. I'm not including names in order to protect privacy, but I'll let you know who is talking, and who they are talking about without mentioning names. Keep in mind, these are just the messages we saved in the last month or so before we got our numbers changed. We would email them to us just in case we need proof one day in court. I apologize for their poor grammar and spelling - they aren't very intelligent.

Oh, one more side note. All of these were sent right after we stopped talking to them. My husband had gotten really sick, and all chaos broke loose. They went nuts, and we left their house (that's where we were while he was recovering - we didn't live with them). I was honestly scared for my life that night we left. I'll have to tell that story a little later. Anyway, notice all of the small digs in these messages - they are meant to make you upset and mad. My comments are in italics.

Okay, here goes:

To my husband's original number:

From his mom:

I believe....that our background and our circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe... That just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I believe........that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesnt stop for your grief. - something like she received this in an email, and she thought they applied to her because of all my husband and I were putting her through - always on us, you see.

The lung doctor needs you to call him. - then she gave the number to him

Call (your oldest sister) if u cant call me. - this is a dig, you see? Small, but meaningful. It's saying I'm controlling him "if you can't call me." It's saying if it weren't for me, he could make his own choices. Such is the way they act - they put it all on others; more often than not, on me specifically.

They have piano and church tonight if you want to see your sisters you can come over by yourself tonight after 830 - this was after we tried to bring his sister lunch one day and his mom showed up and chewed him out and said we were not allowed to see or talk to his sisters.

(My husband's name), you've made your point, i will not try to contact you again. I will always love you! Mom - another dig; trying to make him feel guilty; very manipulative.



From his sister - the older one:

If u want to know everything the doctor said then u need to call me. U might want to know exactly what he said! - trying to find any way to control him.

Well at least u have her family to share things with. That really sucks! - when they found out we were staying for my grandma's birthday.

They didnt tell me to say that! I love u both but ur treating mommy daddy and (my husband's brother) like crap and it hurts me so bad to c them like that! And i dont like the way uve been treated in the past! I will ALWAYS love u guys! - this was responding to my husband saying not to let his parents influence her like that

What about mommy daddy and (my husband's brother)? - this was when my husband said he loved her and his other sister too

They dont hate (me this time) they hate what shes done to u and our family! - he said he couldn't love them if they were going to hate me

That song is by gary allen not clay davidson! - this was in regards to some song his dad wanted him to listen to and kept pestering him about...ha




From his dad - warning...these are awful:

Bishop told me to do things with you and (my husband's brother) only no one else i told him i had three tickets i did tell you i could not get anymore because your wife (he actually said "your wife" here - he stopped calling me by name) was not invited if you heard that the bishop gave the tickets to me that is incorrect i will always apologize to you but you only i cannot apologize to the advisary and someone that calls my son unworthy or a child molester - the unworthy and child molester are things he made up about my family saying they called my husband these things. No one in my family ever called him these things; his dad took something and changed it. My brother said at one point he didn't trust my husband because he was dishonest (which he was - he formed a habit of lying to avoid the abuse in his home growing up); my husband's dad took this to mean he was calling him a child molester. How those two connect, I don't know. My dad just mentioned my husband didn't have a church calling; my husband's father changed this to mean that my dad was calling him unworthy. Also, notice he is referring to me as the adversary - aka, Satan. Gee, thanks. Oh, and to top it all off, here is what preceded this message: You see, I was raised a huge Texas Longhorn fan. My dad played baseball there, and we all love the Longhorns. Anyway, they were playing the college in my in-laws' town in football, and my husband and I had talked about going to watch them. A couple of days later, my father-in-law sent my husband a message saying he received 3 tickets to the game as a gift, and he wanted my husband to go. My husband, the sweetheart he is, said that he wouldn't go if I couldn't because that was unfair to me since I am a bigger Longhorn fan than any of them. He later asked where his dad got the tickets, and his dad fumbled around some answers eventually saying their Bishop gave them to him. My husband even asked how Bishop had the tickets, and his dad could never give him an answer about that one - he threw out a few "suggestions." Well, we later asked the Bishop about the tickets, and the truth came out. Hid dad bought the tickets on purpose and didn't want me around. Bishop never gave him the tickets. His dad lied, and lied about the bishop giving the tickets and saying he told him to go with just his sons! We asked bishop if he told my husband's father to only do things the three of them, and he said no, that he told him to do things as a whole family and include me! Ugh! Then, my husband's father had the nerve to deny what he actually said, and put it on my husband saying he heard wrong. Excuse me, but I was sitting right there and witnessed the entire conversation about the tickets - you're the liar here dear father-in-law. Oh, the tangled web we weave.... Oh yeah, then, they went to the game (father-in-law, brother-in-law, and sister-in-law), and they came back home, and sooooo rubbed in my face...jerks!

Wow going to the people you hated the most in your life based on what you told mom and me (my family) won and that was their goal from day ones they got us what losers we are - this was when they found out we were driving to where my parents live to see them while we were in the state (we went to school in a different state); by the way, two of my brothers are married, and we have great relationships with my sis-in-laws. My sis-in-laws have great relationships with their families. So, I don't know why they think my family would want this kind of scenario, and why they think they set out to do this. ha...haha...hahaha...sometimes it's funny how they come up with such bizarre stuff.

Where did we fail as parents we cant let it happen to the others - trying to make him feel guilty

Please leave the girls out of your situation it is very hard for them to understand how a 20 year old can destroy an almost perfect family and have parents so devistated it hurts them tremendously when they see us hurting your wife and her family have convents you to distance yourself from your family you must keep the girls out of it thatspart of distance although we loue YOUdeeply we have to move on as a family - notice the following: "almost perfect family" - no family is perfect, but trying to claim you are is absurd; "convents (he meant convinced - ignorant dummy)" (this is saying we are controlling him once again; like my husband can't make decisions for himself; I guess it makes it easier to push the blame on other people; "you must keep the girls out of it, that's part of the distance" - they'll deny this later, and then bring them into it themselves; "YOU" - capitalization means they are trying to alienate me

We have shared all emails fantasy messages and text messages with (my husband's sister - the older one) so she has a better understanding of what is going on and the hatred towards our family she needed to know because she is hurting to see her brother become so hatefull toward her mom and dad i love YOU son - wait, I thought you said not to involve the girls? oh wait, that's right, it was to give you time to make stuff up to show them. Again, I'm not really sure what they could show her other than fake crap they made up. Again with the "YOU." Such a dig....

Hope you are ok son we love YOU - capitalizing the "YOU" again...ha...oh, burn

Dont get upset with your sisters and brother we sat down as a family and put everything on the table they know welove (me) as a daughter in law but nobody likes what she has done to our family and our son and brother its painful to all 5 of us and you let it happen sorry - this was received after the messages were sent from his sister above - notice the blame's always on me, and I'm such a terrible, awful person in their minds, yet when we would ask them what I've done to them, they couldn't come up with anything - nothing at all! Oh, and apparently my husband let it all happen? Let what happen, exactly? Oh yeah, that's right, you have no examples.

Love YOU son - capitalizing the "YOU"

I love you son. And grandpa says he does too. - putting the son in there is alienating me again.

This is (my husband's sister - the younger one). I borrowed daddys phone cause mines dead! I like to bare my testimony that i know the church and that the holy ghost is always with us protecting us and loves us. And i know that jesus christ will come again. And that he loves like our family does. I love my family i know that we are a family that would be together forever. I know that wn have a wounderful prophet and a fantastic bishopric. And thbt my brother will always be in..My heart and that he will see the light and come back. I love him so much and think about him always. In the name of jesus christ. - his sister didn't write this. She was too young to know how to spell some things, even if his dad misspells so much on his own. His dad was in the bishopric at the time, by the way. That's why that is written in there. They try sooooo hard to play the role of the "perfect family" that it's sickening. Stop being all talk dummies. His dad definitely wrote this, trying to pretend to be his sister. Even more manipulative and dishonest.

Temple trip was good and assured me and mom that we made the right choices Eave has partaken of the forbidden fruit and continues to partake and now she has gotten Adam to partake also the wife will heed to husband councel as the husband heeds to the counsel of the savior there are others someones not following the commandments we love YOU son - capitalizing "YOU" again; ha, yeah, that doesn't get old. Also, they are saying I am Eve, which I guess I should take as a compliment because Eve was amazing. However, they are using it in a negative way. I'm tempting him too do bad, I guess. Also, I don't think you're meant to go to the temple and judge others while you do a session...just saying. I'm also not following the commandments. How? I don't know because they could never tell us what I've been doing!

Thats not the point knucklehead its not a bill just to show why you say your not married unless asked quiet acting ignorant like a (my family) the people you said you hated more than anyone you wouldnever let your family relationship be destroyed what happen to your leadership your melting under pressure never that we would have a son who would be so hatefultohisparen - wow, way to go - you're calling your son names, putting down his character, and putting down my family - you're a real winner. Oh, and telling him to say he's not married. Jealous, much? Weird, much?

Sorry you feel we are such bad parents that you can't call on a day of thanks. I am sorry son and thankful to have you as a soN. We are thankful to have a savior that let's us know your true feelings. From. Your heart. Love ya. Dad - This was on Thanksgiving, obviously. Apparently, he can receive revelation for other people? Well, I guess I missed where that's possible - you receive revelation for yourself and yourself only. You can't receive it for other people.



To the changed number that they found out somehow:

From his dad:
Its not right that your little sister has to suffer the pain of surgury and cry herself to sleep wondering if her brother even cares - This was after she had her tonsils taken out. They are just so manipulative. They just don't get it. They also say it's me who won't let my husband talk to his sisters. I guess they "conveniently forget" they forbade us from having a relationship with them. Oh, and it's me who sends stuff to them for Christmas and their birthdays from both of us. Yeah, it's sooooo me here.

From his mom:
How long do you expect us to take this. (My husband's sister - the younger one) is your sister and she wants to hear from you. We've done everything we can. I guess your whole life was just a lie to you and were all liars to you too. One day it will be too late. Read this months ensign. We pray for you everyday and for patience. But when you don't even have the heart to talk to your sister that's pretty low. I taught you better. You use to be better than this. Its hard to believe the empty person you've become. Your family use to mean the world to you. You will never know of the blessings you're missing out on. How long are you going to kid yourself. I count my blessings everyday and those blessings include more than dad. You're living in a world that we can't understand. You look so empty when I see you. You say you're happy but I know you better and you know I can see right through the lies. I always have and I always will. - I think he looks unhappy when you see him because you were stalking him at this time and showing up where he was without being invited. I don't know, but I think that would make anyone upset. This is just very manipulative and abusive. The whole thing - they go about things in the completely wrong way. Their tactics are awful. Yeah, you've done everything you can except be nice and act normal! She just puts him down over and over in this - where does it click in her head that this is right to do at all?




Okay, so these are the messages we have saved. I hope y'all can see what I'm talking about. Remember most of these came in about a month's time span or less. It was an every day thing. It still upsets me to read these. I try not to, but I know it might help someone, anyone. Please know that it's awful what they do, but we are away from it. Sure, they stalk us and find us everywhere we go, but they are not affecting our marriage anymore and that's what matters.

I'll post emails from them later. Those are terrible too. Maybe I can find a way to block out names on their letters. Those are even worse.