At least I'm not the only one...

We have recently discovered that my sister-in-law (the one I had hope for...not anymore) wrote about how much I destroyed their family and how horrible I am just to get accepted into college. Well, now she is writing a research paper about narcissistic personality disorder. My in-laws used to accuse me of having borderline personality disorder, but I guess they've moved on to narcissistic personality disorder. The two are both in Cluster B of personality disorders, so they are similar, but still...it's getting out of hand.

Anyway, in her "research paper" (in quotations because you really aren't supposed to write personal things in research papers), my sister-in-law accuses me of physically and emotionally abusing my husband (? - at a loss there), telling my husband lies and making him believe them, that everything is always about me, and I will do anything to get my way (yeah right, if I would do anything to get my way, I wouldn't let them do whatever they want and not do anything back...just saying). She also says they thought my husband and I were perfect for each other, but that all changed when we got married. When we got married, my true personality came out (interesting because they have said this about so many people - friends, acquaintances, clients, etc. - I've heard it a number of times [my husband said they would say it about others all of the time, as well, throughout his entire life]..."well, when this happened, they changed, and we saw what they were really like" - so I'm not even the first one they've done this to - just one of the extreme cases since I'm actually married into their family and their tactics aren't driving my husband and me away from each other - in fact, it drives us closer together). She sums it all up by saying everything about me fits into narcissistic personality disorder.

I was really upset, of course. Often times, they accuse me of stuff over and over, and I can't help but wonder if I actually am what they accuse me of and if I'm the one who is delusional. However, I've been to counselors, therapists, and doctors. I ask my husband, my family, and my friends, and they all reassure that no, I am not that way.

So, I wanted to know if it was common for someone who has narcissistic personality disorder to project who they are onto others, and accuse their victims of being who they are (Because I know my sister-in-law didn't come to this conclusion on her own - she was brainwashed and manipulated by her parents - way to be great parents!).

Apparently it is, and it's sooo nice to know I'm not the only one! Here are some sites I found:

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_are_we_who_dwell_with_a_narcissistic_spouse_rendered_so_speechless_and_confused_when_he_so_loudly_and_convincingly_presents_the_case_that_it_isn%27t_him_being_selfish_and_controlling_but_you_instead

This website:

http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/11/narcissistic-projection.html

says this:
But a narcissist's aim is impeccable. For example, whom does he call a liar? The most honest person around. Who does he say is dangerous? The savior of the group. Every single time. His talent for farce is so great that you could mistake him for astute.

http://narc-attack.blogspot.com/2007/12/narcissistic-projection-machine.html
Check out this statement (but that whole thing is good to read):
Always a living, breathing Projection Machine. Your first clue? He or she is trashing somebody else. - that's a constant occurrence, and always has been with my in-laws - they gossip about everyone!


Last one (really good one - if you don't read any others, read this one....and the first one because it's not very long) - just ignore the love interest part, because obviously that's not what my father-in-law is to me:

http://www.narcissismfree.com/swan-and-scorpion.php

This one says this, among other things:
I remember being accused of being selfish, greedy, uncommitted, angry, bi-polar and a host of other things that left me questioning whether or not this was really true. The most difficult thing was that he really seemed to believe it. He believed he was the pure one and I was the one poisoning his reality with my impurities.


There are a host of things that come up if you look up narcissistic projection. It's just nice to know I'm not the only one - and I'm not what they are accusing me of!