Scary Night...

I've delayed writing this just because of how much it scares me to remember this night. I've also written this in spurts. I would write one part, take a break, come back and write another part, take a break, write some more, etc. I just couldn't do it all at once. Sorry for the delay.

That morning, we woke up, and his mom (who was cleaning the house even though I had just cleaned 2 days before - insecure and jealous much? I believe so) said, "(Someone from the church) called, and he wants to talk to you." So, my husband called, and we went over to his house to talk to him. He talked to my husband for about an hour. Then, he called me out to talk to me and tell me what they talked about. I thought this was really nice and respectful. He actually included me. Anyway, this is when we found out a whole lot of stuff that his family was saying. For instance, that we were getting a divorce. We never said that; never even hinted at that. But, that's what his family was telling everyone! Ugh! They were so just trying to make that happen themselves, and they got even more psycho when they couldn't. I can't remember much else we found out. A lot of stuff that came from his brother, who is also a big fat liar, but they would believe him because "he saw it firsthand." He was the one who would always just show up at our house too. And, you know...his brother used to call me to talk. Everyone knows I could talk to a wall if I had to, so maybe that's why. But, his brother would confide in me and come to me. I remember nights when his brother would sit there talking to me, crying, or showing other emotions connected to his feelings. Not to my husband, but to me. I also remember both my husband and his brother expressing their fear of their dad to me (I didn't really get it at the time - I didn't understand how you just couldn't do what you wanted without worry about what anyone else wanted - but they couldn't do that; they had to do exactly what their dad wanted, whether it was what they wanted or not). So, the fact that at one point his brother had a lot of trust and confidence in me is kind of disheartening because he did a complete turn around. Kind of sucks...no, not kind of. It really sucks. His brother is like a clone of his dad.

Moving on.

We also had to go the doctor that morning because my husband had a swollen saliva gland on his cheek. Like, where his jaw connects. Anyway, we know now that it's because he has Sjogren's syndrome (an autoimmune disease that affects glands and stuff). Back then, we didn't know this yet. This was the second or third time in a couple of years that he had it. When his dad got home that day, he asked my husband what the doctor said, and my husband told him. His dad responded with, "Well, you're being too lazy; you probably wouldn't have that if you would get off your butt and do something." Wait...what?! My husband just spent three weeks with a high fever and two weeks in the hospital. I don't think there is anything wrong with him being "lazy." Though, it wasn't being lazy; it's called recovering!

Then, we were going to pick up my husband's prescription, and my father-in-law says, "Well don't run off with her forever and not come back," before he mumbles, "She would be the one who would take you." I'm sorry...didn't y'all kidnap my husband and bring him across the country? Didn't y'all try to keep me from coming to him? Didn't y'all not tell him anything about me? What is the point of these stupid undermining comments? Oh...to be a jerk..yeah, that's what I thought. Soooooo annoying!

Well, when we got back from picking up his medicine, I decided I should take a shower because I thought we were going to take his sister to the halloween party that night. The bathroom was right next to the living room/tv room area, so you can always hear what's going on in that room. When I was finished showering, I proceeded to dry off, put lotion on, get dressed, etc. Well, immediately when I turned the water off, I heard what started the worst night of my life.

I could hear his dad yelling. That's when I knew it wasn't a good thing. I could hear the fear in my husband's voice. That's when I knew it was an even worse thing. I can't remember everything that was said in that conversation, but I know his dad was trying to force thoughts and emotions on my husband. He was trying to convince my husband of things that weren't true. He put down my family and me, of course. I remember him saying we needed to get out of our "condo" because my dad owned it. It was a townhouse...such a dummy! I remember my husband trying to stand up to him, and him being shot down and being made to feel like he, my family, and I were/are terrible, awful people. I remember his dad trying to make it seem as though he (my father-in-law) and the rest of his family had done nothing wrong and it was all my fault. I remember him just trying to force and push everything on my husband. I seriously can't remember much of what was said, only that his dad was being very forceful and controlling and got more and more frustrated that my husband wasn't giving in. I didn't come out of the bathroom until I knew my father-in-law had left. I was too scared to do so before then.

When I came out, my husband and I went to our room to talk. We both agreed his dad was acting in a crazy manner, but we didn't know what to do. My husband was really upset. He was fed up and frustrated with his family's behavior. I was really upset too - I had never dealt with people like this before my husband came into my life. Mostly, we tried to talk through our emotions and comfort one another.

We didn't get to talk too much, however, because his mom busted into the room (without knocking; she literally just walked in; they don't have locks on their rooms - lame), and immediately we could tell she didn't come in with a good attitude. The first thing she said was, "What's going on?" Well, what I should have said was that my husband and I were talking, and it was really rude of her to just walk in and interrupt us. But, it was my husband who answered, saying, "Dad just attacked me." Her response? "He didn't attack you" (and it seemed like she was so mad that my husband could even say that). Excuse me? Were you even here? Nope; didn't think so. Ugh! These people are unreal.

I know that, at this point, my husband tried to say how his dad had acted, but his mom just wanted to deny his dad's actions, and she was trying to butt into our life, trying to tell us what to do; her main thing was that she didn't want us with each other - you know, it was their whole plan - bring my husband away from me to try to get him to divorce me (something we didn't find out until later). Well, when I came to my husband, that ruined their plan, and they were really really really wanting me away from my husband. Um, no thanks.

Well, I can vividly remember where my husband and I were sitting - we were both sitting on the bed (we sat the entire time), and I had my hand on my husband's leg. My husband and his mom were saying things back and forth - my husband never yelled; just simply conveyed what he was feeling, but he really didn't get to do that much because he was constantly being interrupted by his mom.

I don't remember much that was said, but I do remember the very end. I didn't say anything until then. His mom just kept saying over and over that we (my husband and me) needed time apart; that we didn't need to be near each other...blah, blah, blah. So, I looked at her (and I was crying at this point, mainly out of frustration and being so hurt constantly) and said something along the lines of, "It's our life; we can decide what we want to do; please stop trying to tell us what to do; why can't you just support us?" I'm not sure if I said all of that or parts of that or what. I do know it all had to do with me saying we were going to make decisions for us and I just wanted their support; not their control (though I never said control or called them controlling, ever - that would just open even more doors of fury). It also wasn't a very long statement - I know I had what I said out in about 5 seconds. I also know that I remained sitting on the bed and kept a completely calm and normal level voice. In fact, I think my voice was even quieter than my normal talking voice. Well, when I said that, my mother-in-law just walked out and slammed the door. Go figure...I pretty much said I wouldn't let them control me, and it's all about control for them.

Well, later (meaning, later that night, and she said this to my husband), my dear mother-in-law changed this incident saying I got in her face and yelled at her. Ha...my husband was there; he witnessed it; he knows I sat on the bed by him the entire time and never even came close to raising my voice, let alone yelling. So, where in her mind she thought she would accomplish something by telling my husband I got in her face and yelled at her when he was there, I'll never know. I know she's told other people this (who weren't there), but my husband who was there...that's just kind of crazy. And then, she had the nerve to get furious at my husband when he stood up to her saying he was right there and that I didn't move from the bed and never even got loud. I mean...she was literally trying to make my husband believe that something happened when it really didn't, and she got undeniably furious when he wouldn't go along with her. Ha...soooooo stupid, sooooo unreal, sooooo unexplainable, sooooo not understandable. I just can't comprehend them.

Oh, one more thing about her coming into that room. In the middle of her going off on her tangent, my husband's younger sister of the two sisters came walking in right in the middle of it all. Did my mother-in-law ask her to leave? No. Instead, right when the sister walked in, my mother-in-law slapped the crap out of her...on her head, her shoulders, her arms, her back, whatever was in front of her. As she was slapping her, she was telling her to get out. My husband looked at his mom and said, "MOM!" He said it in a shocked/disappointed/what did you just do? sort of way. My mother-in-law's response? She said, "Well, she needs to learn she can't just walk in like that!" There was no remorse, no recognition that slapping the crap out of her daughter because she simply walked in a room at the wrong time was remotely bad. Nope...just justification on her part. I mean...who does that to their child because the kid just walked into the room...something, I might add, that my mother-in-law did just a few minutes prior...my mother-in-law just walked right in on my husband and me talking...now what would she have done if my husband or I just started slapping her like she did her own daughter? We wouldn't have because we're not like that and don't go around hitting people, but I'm just saying...if someone else were to do it (or pretty much everything they do for that matter), she (and my father-in-law) would think it was wrong, yet when they do it, it's okay and there's always a justification for it...it's like they don't know how to act according to what's normal and okay...it's okay for them to act insane in their heads...I'm not sure. Seriously...it's madness! She didn't just slap her once or twice or three times, even...she slapped her probably at least two handfuls of times in a matter of seconds. And she didn't see anything wrong with it! There was no reason for physical punishment in the first place, and then to do it that much...and then not see anything wrong with it and justify it! I mean...that shows something there...her first reaction was to hit multiple times...and over nothing...but in her head, it's okay! Sooooo awful! We felt really bad for his sister (the same sister who told me about a year and a half before this that their dad hit her, and I just brushed it aside as something she was just saying...ughhhhh I should have listened!). Also, I can't remember when this was, but I remember this same sister saying to their mom (sometime when we were there when my husband was sick) to stop bothering us (or something like that) and the mom's response was, "(Younger Sister), you just don't understand everything, so you just need to stop." Such control and abuse! You either agree with them and do what they say or you're punished (something my husband has told me his entire childhood and adulthood up until into our marriage was like - it's how he was raised - they don't even know the real him because it was either their way or the highway, so he learned to just go with what they wanted and tell them what they wanted, even if it wasn't really him).

Moving on....

We were both pretty upset at this point, but it wasn't even close to over. My husband's brother called him out into the TV room area, and my husband told the younger of his sisters (the one who had gotten slapped) to stay in the room with me. I was bawling, and I distinctly remember her telling me she understood what I was going through. She even said I wasn't doing anything, but I was still getting attacked. I looked at her and said, "Welcome to my life." She got it then; at least to some degree. She understood how no matter what I did, I would always be treated badly. It's crazy how convincing my parent-in-laws are because, now (3 years after the fact), she completely hates me, and has said and done some pretty awful things towards me herself. She was to this point a couple of years ago. So, within one year, they made her do a complete turn around regarding me. She used to look up to me and love me a lot, and not she despises me; I'm still not sure what they told/did to her in order to make her behave and think the way she does now. It's really discouraging and depressing how they even turned his sisters so far against me when they were really like my own little sisters. I know at least part of is them saying I won't allow my husband to talk to them. When, in fact, my mother-in-law told my husband he had to choose, and then when we still tried to have a relationship with his sisters, they threatened us. We had not choice but to not talk to them at that point. Very manipulative - threatening us to make us stop talking to his sisters too, and then turning it around on me. Ugh!

Okay...I have no idea what his brother said to him, I just know my husband went missing at this point (I later found out his mom was having a freak out on him - the younger of his two sisters went to find him for me and then she disappeared - I'm not sure where to). His brother and the older of his two sisters then left to go to a Halloween party at the church right about now. Oh, I also remember the younger of his two sisters (the same one who had just gotten slapped a lot...she was being brave at this point after having that done to her) opening the door of the room we were in and yelling out to them to leave me alone. She did this after I said, "Welcome to my life." She even said she would always be there to support me, as well as my husband and us together. This seriously makes me so sad to remember how much she didn't believe them and how much she supported not just my husband, but us and me. Now, she's not even close to that anymore. I can't stop crying now as I type this because they are just so manipulative. I completely forgot about her telling me she would never listen to them and how much she loved me and my husband and that she supported us - I didn't remember; not until I was reliving it just now. It's so depressing and sad. I wish even one person in his family would show that love and support now...instead, they only show disgust, hatred, and cruelty; all of them. Not a single one of them wants us married - they even told my husband at one point that I don't exist to them. When they try to say something to my husband (in whatever way they can - mail, internet, through others, etc.), it's always only to my husband; I'm always forgotten. They don't want a relationship with me; all they care about is my husband, and that's probably more for the sake of their image than anything. I'm so sad about this complete transformation that I just recognized in the youngest. The older of the two sisters isn't quite as bad as the younger one, but neither of them view everything as it truthfully happened - they've been lied to so much. They view me as a manipulative crazy person who has brainwashed my husband because that's what they're being told by their parents and probably my husband's brother too. :'(

Sorry...the story

Well, at about this time, I decided I couldn't stay there anymore. So, I called my mom and told her I didn't know what my husband was doing, but I was getting out of there and I might need her to come get me from my friend's apartment (who lived in the town and picked me up from the airport and let me stay with her to begin with - thank goodness for amazing friends!). Then, I was only decided on getting out of the house - I had no intent of not having anything to do with them. I just wanted to get somewhere safe and figure out where to go from there.

I was packing very quickly, but I had to check that I wasn't leaving anything behind. So, I was in their laundry room checking for clothes in there when in walks his dad (into the house - the garage door was near the laundry room). My initial instinct was to hide behind their washer/dryer (can't remember which one was farther away from the laundry room door). Anyway, let me tell you why this was my first reaction.

His dad didn't casually walk in. Oh, heck no, there wasn't any of that. He walked in screaming at the top of his lungs. On top of that, he was screaming outrageous stuff, but I don't remember what he was saying at that moment (I only remember a little later - you'll see). He was also slamming doors, hitting walls, throwing things, breaking things, slamming the dog gate, and pacing/walking furiously around the kitchen while doing all of this. I guess he realized my husband and his mom were in the master bedroom, and he went through the gate (I swear he was trying to break it when he through it too) to the other side of the house, continuing to yell, hit things, throw things, and whatnot. He was acting in such a scary manner. I was absolutely terrified.

A good 30-45 mins. (maybe even an hour) went by. I was packing and making sure I had everything. I was also on the phone with my mom a lot, trying to figure out what I needed to do. After a good amount of time elapsed, my husband came into the room and said, "Pack your bags; we're leaving." I told him I was already packed, and I proceeded to help him pack. A few minutes after my husband came into the room, I heard his dad screaming, and the screaming was getting closer. I knew he was walking across the house to our room. At the moment, I thought he was coming to attack my husband or me or both of us, so my immediate reaction was to try to protect my husband (who had almost died a couple of weeks before this, might I add, and had been in the hospital for two weeks that month - a major reason I wanted to protect him - he was super weak and still recovering from a major illness and near death experience in the hospital). My in-laws don't have locks on their doors (except on the younger sister's room, but it's on the outside and meant to lock her in her room so she can't get out...hrmmm....weird).

Anyway, so I went to the door, shut it, and put my weight into it to keep it shut. I didn't think his dad would push his way in...I figured he would try to open it, see we were trying to keep it shut, and just leave it at that...it's like I forgot I was dealing with crazy people. So, his dad made it to the door and tried to open it, but I got it back shut after it barely budged. He put a little more force into it to open it, but I still managed to keep it shut. Then, it's as if he didn't care and put everything into it (at this point, he knew someone was behind the door, and I would think he knew it was me because the second time he tried to open it, I saw his eyes and he was looking straight at me, so I know he saw mine and knew who was behind the door...but his insanity made him not care or something...who knows). Now, his dad is a big guy; almost double my size, and he knows that. He knew exactly what he was doing. I used to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he might have done this accidentally, but that's not how he works. He definitely did this on purpose:
He put all of his force into opening the door (I didn't stand a chance), and it was meant to do some damage (something I know he was trying to do). I went flying across the room a good 6 feet at least and rammed into the dresser. At this point, I was scared, but I was also ticked that he would have the nerve to do something like that. I was so frustrated and mad at how they had been acting not only for the few weeks we had been there while my husband was recovering, but also about everything that had happened since we had been married, and when I think about it more, since were dating and engaged (dating and engaged were just more subtle stuff - married was much more obvious and damaging).

I was sitting on the floor next to the dresser, full of emotions after flying across that room (my husband's back was to the door because he didn't want to have to look at his dad, but he heard all of this - it wasn't until later that night when I told him what happened and how scared I was that he knew exactly what happened and could connect actions with what he heard). Then, his dad set me over the edge when he yelled (And I mean yelled probably as loudly as he could...with a scary, angry look in his eyes...and his entire body was shaking...and he was pointing his finger at my husband's back), "JUST REMEMBER IT WASN'T OUR FAMILY WHO CALLED YOU UNWORTHY AND A CHILD MOLESTER!"

Well, I was ticked because I knew he was talking about my family since when he was coming across the house, he was yelling crap about us going to my family's house. I was already full of emotions and then I just had it, watching him act that way and talk to my husband that way, do that to me, and have the nerve to say untrue things on top of it all. I popped right up, and I yelled back (I hardly ever yell - my parents rarely yell - it's how I was raised - I'm embarrassed that I yelled, but I'm not embarrassed about what I said - my counselors and therapists have all told me not to beat myself up about yelling in this instance because this was an extremely terrifying and emotionally draining event and most people would have snapped well before I did, and would have acted way worse than I did). I said, "Who in my family has called him a child molester and unworthy?" My father-in-law, turned and came towards me, with anger in his eyes and his arms raised, hands forming fists, and screamed, "YOUR BROTHER..." I didn't listen to what came after that because I yelled back (while bawling my eyes out - I don't feel like I ever yelled like most people yell - I know my voice was much louder than normal - but not quite to yelling yet - well, nothing compared to my father-in-law's raging voice, at least), "My brother never said that (father-in-law), you need to stop twisting things around!" Because, you know...that's what they do...they make things up, and they twist things. I told y'all about how my brother said he didn't trust my husband because he lied so much (and my husband did lie pretty much all of the time back in the first year or so of our marriage - something he did all of his life...I was just the first one to say something about his lying), but my father-in-law took that and changed it to say my brother called him a child molester...those are definitely not the same thing.

Anyway, while I was saying that last part about him twisting stuff, my father-in-law advanced towards me, raising his arms, and I know he was going to hit me and probably beat me. He was probably about a foot away from me when my husband reached out and stopped him. My husband says he feels like his dad was going to strike me at that moment, and he would have had my husband not stopped him. Then my father-in-law turned and walked away.

That's the only time I've ever lost my cool with his family. My husband always says, however, that I was pushed to the limit...and I was. I still regret getting loud, but I don't regret what I said. His dad literally acted like a crazy person that night. I still don't think I've seen what his dad is capable of, and that scares me.

Oh, I need to explain what happened in the time while I was packing and my husband was across the house and trapped by his parents....here's what I found out from him
Okay, so...apparently, his mom called him over there in a fury. When he got over there, all she did was cuss him out. I'm not sure what she said (probably a lot of the same stuff), but I do know she used the f-bomb over and over and over on top of every other word. So, now I guess it's okay to cuss out your children with the most profane words you can think of. When his dad got in there, I know that he shoved my husband into the wall (to walk by him, maybe, but still...you just shoved your son who was still sick and recovering from almost dying into the wall...wow). I know that his dad said something about we didn't need to cut them out (something we hadn't even decided yet and was never mentioned), and that they weren't doing anything wrong, that my husband and I didn't need to be together...blah blah blah...same ole' same ole'. What has always stuck out to me was his mom cussing him out (his dad too - I believed his dad used the f-word on on him, as well), and his dad being physical with him. My husband said he had enough of her cussing him out, his dad cussing him out, and being shoved into the wall, and he just walked out. He tried for a long time to reason with her and with his dad, but they were just being abusive...what's new. Then, when he walked out, you know what happened...his dad chased him, yelling and screaming, sent me across the room, then tried to advance on me but was stopped by my husband (it's no wonder my husband thought his dad would hurt me - he had already hurt him).

Back to when his dad walked away from us...
After his dad walked away, his parents left to go the Halloween party, but not before slamming the door shut. We finished packing, got everything we needed, and then headed to the party as well to find a place to stay for the next week since my husband had so many doctor appointments still (and the bishop had offered to let us come stay with him - after telling us it wasn't safe for me to be in my in-laws' house...that says something too...the bishop is saying it isn't safe for me to be there...and their friend told me the same thing!). More frustrations came at the Halloween party as we discovered how they were acting towards people who were nice to us.

A lady who worked for my husband's parents saw us first thing when we pulled into the parking lot. She told us she was sorry about everything that was going on, and told us not to go into the building because my in-laws were furious...apparently they were going rampant and trying to convince everyone not to help us and getting mad at anyone who defended us. She talked to us for probably around an hour. She told us my in-laws were mad that they (the employee and her husband...they are also friends of my in-laws) offered to let us come stay with them (this was the friend, not the bishop...the same friend of their's that we went to talk to this morning...the same friend who told me it wasn't safe for me). She even said to my mother-in-law, "So you would rather your son, who is sick, and his wife be left out on the street than to have your friends offer to help them?" And I guess that made my mother-in-law even more furious. She said that she (the employee) was chastised for hugging me (by my in-laws and people at the church, and if people at the church were saying stuff, who knows what they were told by my in-laws). She admitted my father-in-law was very prideful and that my mother-in-law was a little bit dramatic. I can't tell you how many times my mother-in-law walked by and gave us looks like she wanted to kill all three of us. I can't remember everything that we talked about it. Most of it was about how sorry she was that this was happening, but she knew we loved each other and were good to each other. She even took up for me to my in-laws, but that didn't help; if anything, it probably made them even worse. What is really bizarre is that we talked to her a few weeks later, and she told us my in-laws had been wanting to fire her for talking to us, being so nice and supportive towards us and me, and for offering to help us. To add to it, she quit a few months later...interesting. I don't know why she quit, but chances are my in-laws were jerks to her from that moment (meaning, since they were nice to us) on.

We then talked to the bishop, and he told us we could stay with them - they were very nice and supportive to us, and I am grateful for that. We stayed with them for a week before we went to my parents' house in a different town. We said bye to the younger of his two sisters, and told her we would come see her and we would still talk to her - we can't now since his parents have threatened us not to talk to his sisters, but we didn't know they would do that then. We had every intention of maintaining a relationship with his sisters at that point. I'll get to the threatening in a different post since this one was so long.

That was the last time I was ever around them...my husband too...I mean...other than when they have stalked him out and cornered him.

So, that's it...the night I feared being beaten...the night I feared for my life...the night my in-laws' exploded, but the night I know doesn't compare to what they are capable of according to my husband...and that makes it all the more terrifying.